The night rain fell in the sky, dripping on the bluestone in front of the window, desolate and cold.
Fang Xiu lay alone in the damp brocade quilt, her consciousness confused.
Listening to the continuous rain outside the window, she seemed to have returned to that rainy day more than 20 years ago.
The rain at that time was not as cold and rustling as it is now, nor as cold and obscure as it is now.
It was gentle, shy, with a hint of vitality.
It was spring at that time.
During the outing, she wore a gauze hat and walked along the river accompanied by her maid.
Her soft embroidered shoes fell on the grass with rain and dew, and slowly got soaked, but she She never cared that she would rather walk alone on the river bank than get along with those women who were either pretentious or submissive.
Even though she was accompanied by a maid, she was not alone.
She was hailed as the first lady in the south of the Yangtze River, but this title was not safe.
Many women secretly ridiculed her, saying that she was just taking advantage of her brother.
Not convinced.
Even though she knew that many people did praise her for the sake of her brother, she just refused to accept it.
She was also the direct daughter of the dignified Jiangning Fang family.
She had been familiar with poetry and books since she was a child, and had also dabbled in classics and history.
She was completely worthy of Bing Xin's inner praise, but those people completely ignored this fact.
They only said that without her brother, she would not be as beautiful as she was.
She was very dissatisfied.
Therefore, every time she attended this occasion, she went with the idea of fighting for a moment, but she failed every time, even though her brother had lived in seclusion for many years, and even though he had completely ignored these people.
Anger was piling up in her heart, like clouds and rain in the sky, and it was about to rain heavily.
At this moment, a careless voice appeared: "Girl, your sachet has fallen."
She turned around and realized that the person who spoke was a young man with a handsome appearance and an elegant temperament.
At that moment, a mischievous wind blew directly away from her gauze hat, revealing her face. .
Then, Fang Xiu saw the expression of surprise and obsession on the face of the young man who behaved reasonably.
She couldn't help but feel proud in her heart, so she didn't care about the young man's behavior that was considered offensive and said in a gentle tone. : "Thank you so much, Mr.
Lanpei, go and get the sachet."
Even though she knew it, this would definitely not be her sachet.
The pretty Lan Pei looked at the young man curiously.
After catching a glimpse of the young man's embarrassed expression, she pursed her lips slightly, and her two pear dimples looked a little more lively.
She walked briskly to He Yi's side, then gently pulled out the sachet from He Yi's hand.
Before turning around, she gave He Yi a smart smile.
Later, Fang Xiu remembered that this was probably the reason why Lan Pei betrayed her.
No wonder when she killed Lampei with a stick later, Lampei's eyes were so vicious and she said, "It's you who's sorry for me, you owe me."
It turned out that cause and effect had already fallen into place at this time.
It turned out that Lanpei thought she was the one who had the upper hand.
But some things cannot be done by taking the upper hand.
If Lanpei did it, so would she.
But at that time, calling her master "you" and "me" was intolerable, so she ordered Lampe's life to be taken, even though she had no intention of letting Lampe go.
She thought of the child she had lost inexplicably, of the domineering clan girl who was in love with He Yi, and of the silent and guilty He Yi, and the anger and sadness in her heart almost overwhelmed her.
But no, she lost the support of the Fang family and could not do anything to the clan daughter, but no, she could not leave He Yi.
If it was such an embarrassing reconciliation, she would not tell her brother openly that her choice was wrong.
If Just lowering her head like this doesn't mean that her years of resentment were all wrong.
She couldn't stand it.
Thinking about it now, she was wrong.
It was really a wrong approach for her to pin her hopes on He Yi's guilt.
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If she were to do it again, she would definitely try her best to keep the child, and then cover He Yi's heart. , taking the He family's back house into his hands.
But for the man now lying helpless in the hospital bed, it was too late.
She stared blankly at the brocade bag on the bed table, vaguely remembering the time when she was looking for a maid many years ago.
Fang's maids were all transferred to their master after a long period of training, and the maid next to Fang Xiu was no exception.
But at that time, she was unhappy because her brother punished her to practice Chinese calligraphy, so she deliberately disturbed the Fang family.
The rules made her brother uncomfortable, so she chose her personal maid herself.
But the elder brother was not very satisfied, and even drove away a maid who knew how to take care of talented people and beauties for her, and brought in Lan Zhi, and Lan Pei stayed because of her mischief.
Looking back now, she had to say that her brother was really very accurate in judging people.
Later, when Lan Zhi was sent to He Yi's bed with her own hands, she always adhered to her duty and never betrayed her.
But such Lan Zhi Zhi, in the end, died in the endless grinding, and died in her vague hints.
Without He Yi, most of the women he left behind took away gold and silver, and there were really not many people she could mess with.
During these ten years of hopeless widowhood, her temper became more and more surly and mean, so much so that even her son fled far away, so that no one came to this cold and empty ancient house.
He served her before, so that she was seriously ill and could only lie alone on the damp bed.
The same coldness, the same loneliness, but compared to when I was locked in the study practicing calligraphy many years ago, there was an even deeper indifference.
She smiled softly.
The woman who had not yet reached the age of knowing her life had a voice as hoarse as a night owl, with a coldness that penetrated people.
The wrinkles at the corners of her eyes were opened by the smile, and a rotten, old, withered smell also spread.
She was about to die, but she couldn't call anyone before she died.
The person who loved her most in the world died before her.
She has always known that if the person in the world can make her happy the most, it is definitely not her brother, but if the person in the world can make her feel safe the most, it is definitely her brother.
But such a brother was not there when she got married.
One day, I gave up on her.
She was puzzled, why, her brother obviously doted on her so much before, why?
She vaguely recalled the quarrel in the study, and tears suddenly fell from the corners of her eyes.
After meeting for the first time, she had a vague feeling of having fun.
As she slowly got along with He Yi, and slowly felt his flattery, which was not very clever, she felt a sense of satisfaction in her heart. .
Look, this man is a good-looking young man.
Look, this man shines in the poetry festival.
Look, this man loves her so much and is willing to put down all his body for her.
Then he can probably beat his brother.
Bar Therefore, after three months of getting along, she showed her hand to her brother and got the sentence: "She is a housewife, not Fang's daughter."
When she heard this sentence, she felt cold all over, but she thought it was just because her brother was too angry.
Once he was angry, he would love her as much as before, so she could rest assured.
He calmly took away one hundred thousand taels of silver notes and married He Yi.
And now, whenever she thinks of the one hundred thousand taels of silver notes that are gradually disappearing, she feels extremely heartbroken.
If she had known that one day, she should have taken good control of the family's money and not let He Yi mess around.
Yes, in her heart, He Mansion is her home, and Fang Mansion can only be considered her mother's family.
No matter how good her brother is to her, he can only be the taciturn supporter in her mind.
She thought of the day when she knelt in front of He's house.
She felt that her whole face had been pulled out and immersed in ice water.
But even so, she could not get her brother's forgiveness.
She felt extremely wronged.
Why?
, she has bowed to her brother, why is the brother unwilling to forgive her?
Even if she did something wrong for a while, but she is willing to change it, why can't the brother accept her again?
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She didn't know, so when she learned the news of her brother's death three months later, she was stunned for a long time.
The biting cold wind came from nowhere and blew into her heart, making her extremely confused.
She sat quietly in the elegantly decorated study, listening to the sound of the howling wind and snow outside the window, wondering what night it was.
Her biggest supporter actually fell like this.
A sadness came from nowhere, but she couldn't cry.
The brother who had only treated her coldly since she was a child, the brother who was extremely thoughtful, and the brother who had always protected her, died like this.
She doesn't believe it But the facts couldn't help her not believing it.
When she saw the silence all over the city, the mourning hall rising in Fang's mansion, and the heavy snow in the sky, she still believed it.
She wanted to burn a stick of incense, but there seemed to be roots under her feet, and the orchid hand caressing her was also trembling.
Sadness overflowed from the eyes of the two women, but one of them It is the sadness of not being able to see hope anymore.
The other is the sadness of losing something.
Tears finally fell from her eyes, why did you just leave like this, before you even had time to save me from the sea of suffering?
When she finally plucked up the courage to burn a stick of incense, she was turned away because the head of the Fang Mansion didn't want her to disturb that person's peace.
She understood, and suddenly felt cold.
A sense of helpless panic quickly hit her, and she stood dazedly between heaven and earth, like a duckweed.
The sound of rain outside the window was continuous.
Compared with the heavy snowfall that shocked the entire dynasty more than ten years ago, this winter rain was less thrilling, but more chilling to the bone.
She coughed twice, and her throat seemed to be blocked by something, so that her coughing sound sounded weak.
There were bright lights flashing through her cloudy eyes, which were long-lost memories.
A line of tears fell from the corner of her eyes, and the light in the eyes of the withered woman lying on the bed gradually dimmed.
She thought that if she could come back again, she would definitely break up with He Yi; if she could come back again, she would definitely find the one who truly loves her.
Her people; if she could come back, she would get along well with her brother; if she could come back, she would never sink like this again.
She had lived her whole life, and it seemed that she had never figured out what she really wanted, nor what was really binding her, but she didn't want to think about it anymore, she was going to die.
The moment her eyelids fell, she uttered a sentence in a low voice: "Am I really wrong?"
There was no answer to this sentence, because the words were full of negation, that is, she never thought that she was Wrong.
The wind and snow roared, drowning many things.
It was not until a long time later that the little maid holding the medicine bowl opened the door tremblingly.
When she saw the figure with her eyes closed on the bed, she looked like an ice corpse.
The old woman and the little maid screamed, and the medicine bowl in their hands fell to the ground.
And half a month later, He Jin, who had finally been promoted to half a level, saw a letter from his old house.
His mother passed away, and the official position he had finally earned was in vain.
He must return to his hometown Ding You.
The moment Fang Xiu closed his eyes, in the far north, a ragged old man also closed his eyes.
Before he died, he was still chanting: "I must go back, I must go back."
Who was he?
easy.
He was kidnapped deep into the grassland by Tana.
After playing with him for a while, he was given up by Tana.
As a useless minister who was abandoned by the Emperor of the Central Plains, he naturally lost all his value.
He did not know chemical engineering, biology, machinery, and could not even speak the language of the grassland smoothly.
How could such a thing be so smooth?
It is really not easy for him to live for so many years, thanks to his pretty face.
Whenever he fell into that kind of extreme humiliation and darkness, he wanted to die together or end it.
But he was not a jade, and he was more afraid of death, so he just lingered and gasped.
Later, he even got used to it. , the only hope in his heart is to return to his true hometown one day.
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He vowed that if he could do it all over again, he would study mathematics, physics and chemistry well and never be a scumbag again.
He swore that if he could do it all over again, he would shirk the work of being an envoy outside the Great Wall to others.
A gentleman is not conducive to being under a dangerous wall.
A person like him who is so talented that he can change a dynasty must work hard to preserve himself.
He swore that if he had to do it over again, he would promise not to offend Tana, a disgusting woman.
He would lead the dynasty's army to sweep the grassland, and then make Tana miserable.
But this is just his daydream.
At the end of their lives, the two couples actually had the same dream.
Most of the people who were close to him had a bad life, or had long forgotten about him.
The noble clan he was born into could not hold their heads high because of him, and eventually disappeared from everyone.
Even Tana, who had caused him to fall into such a situation, He also died in a failed royal court battle.
In the end, everything related to He Yi was like death, until no one remembered him anymore.
From the hatred and anger at the beginning, to the numbness and indulgence later, and then to the final ignorance, like a wandering soul, He Yi, it was like dying all over again.
After many years of training, he completely forgot that he also had a wife who swore to be loyal throughout his life, a son who inherited his surname, and a family that needed to rely on him.
He gave up all of them and lost them all, as if he had never thought of them.
The moment he closed his eyes, his heart jumped strangely.
Maybe he could really go back.
But whether this is possible, who knows.
Twenty years of wind and rain, some people are alone in bed and cold, no one cares about them, some people are recalling their lives in absurd dreams, and some people, the golden hall is empty and no one is seated, and the golden sequins are silently passing through the years
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