Tong Yao always thought that the world had changed.
Then in this changed world, there would be no diary.
Her diary is gone.
But now, the diary still exists, and she finds a page of the diary again.
Even though the page of the diary was facing up, and she couldn't see the handwriting on it for a while, she knew that it was from the same notebook as the previous diary.
The same checkered line, the same thin, crisp yellowing, the same style, this is her diary.
Why hasn't this diary disappeared?
Tong Yao's trembling cold fingers picked up the page of the diary.
She knew that the diaries had not disappeared, and that there was only one possibility.
These diaries are the ones that no matter what she chooses in her childhood, whether she is with Yuan Xun or not, the events recorded in the diaries are destined to be necessary events.
This is an inescapable trajectory in fate, something she has to face and experience.
She flipped through the pages of the diary and slowly placed it in the palm of her hand.
As she expected, this was her diary entry for the year she was eighteen.
"June 16, 2003 was cloudy Mom was crying and crying all the time today.
I comforted her, and she hugged me and cried.
She cried helplessly, she would say that she hated, hated, and asked me Yaoyao what should I do.
But I really don't know what my mother is going to do, and I don't know why my mother is crying.
Later, I found out that Uncle Yuan was gone.
In fact, I haven't understood why I haven't seen Uncle Yuan for the past few days, and I even thought they had a quarrel.
Now I know that Uncle Yuan is gone.
It means to be gone, to be dead, to be like a father, to be dead, and never to come back.
Uncle Yuan died, what should my mother do in the future In the evening, a car stopped in front of the house, and Yuan Xun got out of the car.
He seemed to have grown a lot taller, wearing a black suit with a solemn and heavy face.
It looks very different from usual.
He looks like a figure like his father, his grandfather.
My mom and I got in the car.
Along the way, Mom and Yuan Xun didn't speak, and it was cloudy outside.
In the evening, the dark clouds were dark and heavy, like a black cauldron pouring over, and the car, which was supposed to be luxurious and spacious, became cramped.
The atmosphere was so oppressive both outside and inside the car that I felt like I was choking my throat.
Later, when passing a traffic light intersection, the car stopped, and in that deathly silence, I heard Yuan Xun say "How is Yaoyao at school lately".
I think he should have asked me, but I didn't want to talk at all.
I need to open my mouth to speak, but I don't know how to separate my upper and lower lips so that I can make a sound.
Yuan Xun asked, no one paid attention, if it was usual, his mother would definitely round the field for him, and would talk to him with a smile, and talk to him in that slightly stammering tone.
But now my mother obviously doesn't have that in mind.
I turned my face to look at my mother, and I saw her head hanging down, staring blankly at a point ahead.
The red light turned green, and the car drove forward, and the inertia caused her to lean back slightly, and her head, which seemed to have no support, also clicked a few times.
Now she is like a lifeless puppet, all her spirit has been drained.
When I got out of the car, Yuan Xun came over to help my mother open the door and looked back at me again.
I walked to the other side and grabbed my mother's arm.
We entered the hospital together, and the smell of disinfectant water peculiar to the hospital came to me, which made me almost want to faint, who was already suffocating.
But I held back, and at this time, all my mental and physical strength was trying to compress and reduce my presence.
There was an elderly uncle who came over, and I vaguely remembered that this was the housekeeper of the original family, as if his surname was Sun.
Steward Sun's eyes were red, and he came over and said, "Little young master." ” From their low voices, I probably understood that in fact, the Yuan family didn't want my mother to see Uncle Yuan's body, and it was Yuan Xun who secretly brought my mother and me over against their will.
He said his uncle would have liked to see my mom and me one last time.
Yuan Xun then led his mother and me to continue inside.
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The morgue of the hospital, with its unclear and dim light, always gives people an inexplicable sense of gloom.
I even had the urge to pull my legs out and leave.
Uncle Hara was kind to me, and at one point I thought he could take my father's place, but now he's dead.
There seems to be an illusion, as long as you don't see Uncle Yuan's body, you will feel that he is not dead, subconsciously thinking that he is just out of the house and will come back, patting my head and saying, Yaoyao is so good.
But when I got to the end of the road, I saw the body covered in a white cloth.
The mother, who was already a puppet, suddenly let out a terrible scream.
After screaming, she started crying.
It was the first time I had seen my mother cry like this, as if all the regret and pain in my life had exploded at this moment.
My eyes were so black that I could barely stand.
It was as if someone was telling me to persuade your mother, but I couldn't move at all with my heavy feet, and I couldn't open my mouth at all, so I stood there like I was stupid.
I don't remember how I got home later.
It was as if a pair of hands had fallen on my forehead and whispered to me, "Come and see you tomorrow."
I stared at the ceiling, my mother's cries echoing in my ears.
I couldn't sleep at all, got up, wanted to write something.
I was at a loss and didn't know what to do in the future. ” After reading this diary, Tong Yao only felt that the strength in her body slowly dissipated with that incident.
Thinking back to the boundless happiness before, I suddenly felt that happiness was so fragile and precious.
It turns out that even in this world that she has changed, Uncle Hara is dead.
She remembered very well that a few months after Uncle Yuan died, her mother was no longer alive.
The people of the original family said that if it weren't for his mother, Uncle Yuan would not have died.
But she has always suspected that her mother's death has something to do with the original family.
Even, she once suspected that her mother's death had something to do with Yuan Xun.
This made her fall into self-doubt again and again after marrying Yuan Xun, trembling every day, and panicking all day long.
She also wanted to get rid of all this, but everything around her was like a densely woven net, covering her layer by layer, she couldn't escape, she could only consume her life in this net.
Thinking of all this, she screamed in shame and horror, covering her face with trembling hands.
She and Yuan Xun, how could it be How could she think that she could be with Yuan Xun and be happy together "Mom."
Yuan Xiu's voice came into Tong Yao's ears with doubts.
Tong Yao raised his head and saw his son in a suit standing at the door, his obsidian-like eyes full of concern.
"I'm fine."
She stood up calmly and placed the book on the shelf.
Yuan Xiu walked in and looked up at the book.
Although he was a precocious child, he was only six years old, and he was not tall enough, so he could only look up at him.
"What kind of book is this?"
"It's a book I've read before, and I'm going to flip through it now."
Tong Yao didn't want to continue this topic with her son, so she asked in turn: "I didn't play with my grandparents in front, why did I run over?"
"My grandparents went back to the room to rest, and my aunt said to take me outside to see the flowers, but my father said that you were alone in the room, so let me come back to see you."
Tong Yao couldn't help but be stunned when he heard him mention Yuan Xun, thinking that he really cared about his wife.
It's just that I don't know if the woman who has a sweet relationship with him has experienced everything later Has she ever seen the scene of her mother's death, and has she also doubted that her mother's death may have something to do with Yuan Xun, and whether she has also been entangled with this If she has seen it, if she has doubted it, how can she live a married life with Yuan Xun with peace of mind Or is it that for her, the follow-up development is completely different from what she has experienced "Mom" Yuan Xiu frowned: "Are you okay?"
Tong Yao heard her son's voice, grabbed the corner of the hanger, and tried to calm herself down.
After a long time, she shook her head tiredly: "I'm fine" She looked up at her son.
The son is the son born to her and Yuan Xun, and he is her biological son.
She smiled and beckoned her son to sit on the couch next to her.
Yuan Xiu pursed his lips and sat there obediently.
"Yuan Xiu, your father is still in Grandpa's study" Her voice was soft, and she couldn't hear anything unusual.
"Yes."
"Is there something wrong" This old man of the original family has not been concerned for a long time, if it is not an important matter, he will not stay with Yuan Xun for so long.
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"I don't know."
Yuan Xiu frowned and looked at his mother sitting beside him.
Tong Yao listened to her son's words, nodded, and stood up: "Then I'll go out and talk to your grandmother."
Yuan Xiu looked at the back of his mother who got up and left by herself, and her brows furrowed even tighter.
He looked inquiringly at the bookshelf he had just had, walked over, stood on tiptoe, and took down the book with the three words "Leaves of Grass" written on it.
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