Ji Weiran never thought that one day, she and Zhao Wanyan could sit down face to face very calmly, let alone that Zhao Wanyan could be so peaceful when facing herself.
It's just that even if it is calm, even if it is peaceful, she and she actually know in their hearts that this is just an appearance, she doesn't like Zhao Wanyan, and Zhao Wanyan doesn't like her, their dislike for each other, even disgust, has never disappeared.
In the quiet box, except for the sound of Zhao Wanyan slowly stirring the coffee, there was nothing else for a while.
Long.
"I'm going back to Singapore in the afternoon, and if nothing happens, I'll never come back, and I'll stay there."
Putting down the spoon, Zhao Wanyan said softly.
Raising her eyes, she looked at Ji Weiran quietly.
The eyes are facing each other.
Ji Weiran's expression was always cold, she didn't respond, and she didn't know what she could respond to, so she was simply silent, she thought, Zhao Wanyan would have something to say.
Zhao Wanyan looked at her for a moment.
A smile that bordered on a wry smile overflowed from her lips, and she raised her lower lip: "You and I......
Sure enough, it's different.
You know, I've always thought that you were my stand-in, that you lived in my shadow, but now, I understand that you are you, and you are unique Ji Weiran. ” Picking up her coffee, she took a sip.
The mellow aroma invades the taste buds, but the most is actually bitterness, which has spread to every corner of her body, as if she wants to follow her for the rest of her life.
"If I have to say that, in fact, it should be me, I may live in your shadow for a long time and can't get rid of it, I am a complete failure."
Turning his head sideways, Zhao Wanyan looked out the window: "At the beginning, I hated you very much, maybe it was because of same-sex rejection, or maybe because you were Xia Wan's best friend, but later, I found out that I didn't just hate you, I began to be jealous, and slowly, jealousy became hatred again, because ......
You showed up to him. ” Who he was referring to, the two knew by heart.
Ji Weiran glanced at her.
Zhao Wanyan felt it, she smiled, and her eyes still fell on the scenery outside the window: "I saw him crush you in the car, almost ......
When I kiss you, you don't know, at that moment I really want you to disappear, and then later, he smiles at you, pulls your hand, and ......
I'm jealous, crazy jealous. ” "Actually, I'm an insatiable woman," she turned her head, and she calmly looked at Shangji Weiran, "When I went back to Qingcheng, I told myself that I was back to continue to be with Huo Qingsui, he was mine, and no one could snatch it away."
As for Li Youlin......"
After a pause, the face in his mind suddenly became extremely clear, and even the memories of him were vivid.
However, it was only once, in this life, she could not have it again.
Zhao Wanyan was still smiling: "I know he loves me, but I don't love him, but at that time, I had a strong possessiveness, and I couldn't tolerate him being with other women when he was in love with me, I thought, he must only love me, he must be by my side, and he must help me when I need him." ” Gradually, her smile became more self-deprecating and uncomfortable.
"Shameless, right?
In fact......
I don't believe that the person he loves is me, what kind of man he is, I can't know better, how can he really fall in love with a woman?
If he loves me, why did he have so many girlfriends in the four years I left, and why......
When I didn't leave, when I came back?
” Every time she said a word, Zhao Wanyan felt that the thing called the heart in the left atrium would hurt a little, and she should get used to it early in the morning, and she must get used to it, but in fact, every time it hurts, she can't stand it.
Silently, endlessly.
"I thought I loved Huo Qingsui, and I kept telling myself that I loved Huo Qingsui, but then I found out that I was actually in love with Li Youlin before I knew it, but I didn't want to face it."
The heart trembled.
Hurt.
Zhao Wanyan smiled bitterly: "So, as I saw him getting in touch with you more and more, I became more and more jealous of you, and the idea of trampling you under my feet to make you lose a little became stronger and stronger."
Later......"
She was silent.
Ji Wei Dye is also.
What she was going to say, she also knew, those bad memories are still clear when she thinks about them now.
"Actually, I regret it," and then opened his mouth, Zhao Wanyan's voice became very low and low, and the trills seemed to be nothing, "Whether it is Huo Qingsui or Li Youlin, I regret it very much."
In those days, I thought more than once that if I hadn't gone abroad and stayed by Huo Qingsui's side, he would definitely be with me, or if I had faced up to my feelings for Li Youlin earlier, then he would ......
Won't leave me either. ” After all, she didn't hold back, and her eyes began to become sour.
"Jealousy and ...... and the hatred that I shouldn't have, I lost everything," she sniffed, trying to make her voice sound indifferent, "Grandpa, Huo Qingsui, Li Youlin, Fang Bo, career, fans, and ......"
Her voice trembled more and more, and she couldn't say those two words.
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Zhao Wanyan closed his eyes.
It took a long time for her to squeeze out the difficult words from the depths of her throat: "Child." ” The atmosphere suddenly became oppressive.
She hung her head, and she didn't notice that Ji Weiran on the other side suddenly became dark when she heard the word child.
"Actually," Zhao Wanyan raised his head, like a wry smile, and like self-deprecation, "Now that I think about it, the days in the sanatorium are not painful, but slowly, I began to understand that when I am sober, I clearly know what I have done and what I have lost, and then I will live in this kind of regret and pain for the rest of my life, and I can't get rid of it for the rest of my life, which is ......
The biggest punishment for me. ” She had thought more than once, why should she be sober?
Why......
Want to heal yourself?
If she is still confused, she will not be in pain, she will not regret it, and she will not ......
But now, she couldn't be more sober.
Reluctantly moved her lower lip, she smiled, wanting to cry, but she couldn't cry for a long time.
Don't turn her face, she blinked meaninglessly, hiding the discomfort in her eyes: "I'm sorry, I don't know why, I obviously don't like you, but I still said so much to you, those words pressed me, I ......"
Biting her lower lip hard, she breathed a sigh of relief and changed the subject: "I'm sorry, I deliberately waited for you here today, and I didn't want to tell you what I just did, I want to ......
I was trying to explain. ” After that, she didn't wait for Ji Weiran to answer, looked at her again and said apologetically: "A few months ago, my body and ......
There is a little bit of a mental condition, that's why I rely on Li Youlin so much, at first I didn't know that you were married, and then ......
I'm sorry. ” My heart became more and more uncomfortable, as if a fire was burning.
It hurts so much.
"He didn't rekindle his old relationship with me, he didn't love me for a long time, and he could still reach out to help me, just because Uncle Fang begged him, sorry, I made you misunderstand."
Forcibly suppressing the wanton emotions in his heart, Zhao Wanyan raised his lower lip hard and continued in an indifferent tone: "Actually, I told him more than once, and even begged him, saying that I knew I was wrong, I regretted it, and wanted to start over with him, but he refused, he said that he already had a beloved woman." ” The air seemed to stand still.
The envy in her eyes was too obvious, and after Ji Weiran was silent for two seconds, she spoke: "Actually, you don't have to tell me......"
"I want to say, let me finish, I won't have a chance in the future, will I?"
Zhao Wanyan shook his head with a smile, "He loves you very much, more than anyone thinks, including you, including himself." ” Ji Weiran was stunned.
Zhao Wanyan's voice continued- "Indeed, he has had many girlfriends before, or female companions, didn't they all say that he 'has been among thousands of flowers, and the leaves do not stick to his body'?
But in fact, he is very dedicated and affectionate, and these are only for you. ” "During this time, in fact......
I've always been in Qingcheng, because I'm still unwilling, so I've been with you several times, but every time, in addition to exacerbating my sadness and regret, it seems to be ......" took a deep breath, Zhao Wanyan continued, "I've known him for so many years, I've never seen him so affectionate, there is only you in his eyes, and I've never seen him really and patiently coax a woman, not to play on the spot, but to pamper and love in my heart." ” Without concealing her envy, she pulled her lower lip self-deprecatingly: "That time in the hospital, do you remember, in fact, I did sneak back, no one knows, I looked at him at that time, maybe I was fascinated, maybe I couldn't help it, in short......
Sorry for misleading you, it's my problem. ” Distressed as if she was unconscious, she still smiled reluctantly: "Later, when you leave, he may ......
I was also a little disheartened, so I didn't chase you for the time being, so, I asked him a word, and I asked him, if it weren't for Ji Weiran, if I hadn't done those things, would we be able to be together.
Do you know what he said to me?
” Uncontrollably, Ji Weiran's breathing was sluggish.
She looked at Zhao Wanyan quietly.
Zhao Wanyan is too.
"He said, 'There is no if, there is only one Ji Weidye in my heart'.
At that time, I finally realized that I had missed a man who had and might have loved me so well, and that I had failed so much in my life. ” When the words fell, Zhao Wanyan stood up.
"Ji Weiran," she took the phone and looked at it, she tried to make herself more natural, "He is very lucky to have met you and met love."
You're also lucky to have his love, and I'm envious of you, but it's just envy, really.
In the past, a word of sorry cannot be offset, but I still want to say, I'm sorry.
Also, I wish you all......
Happiness. ” Zhao Wanyan left.
Ji Weiran lost her mind because of her words and didn't move for a long time.
Until, the box door was pushed open, and the man's anxious and worried face appeared in sight. —— The final ending of Zhao Wanyan~ In fact, in the text of Huo Wan and his wife, she already had an ending, she was ruined and had nothing, and she was sent to a mental hospital.
But in fact, people don't have only one side, and they don't change, just like the world is not only black and white, isn't there a saying that "poor people must have something to hate"?
As she herself said, when she is not awake, she may not feel it so strongly, but once she is awake now, that kind of pain and regret is the greatest punishment, and she can't get over that hurdle every day for the rest of the day, she has lost the people she once loved, she has lost her friends, she has lost everything, and she will never get it back......
It doesn't have to be physically miserable to be happy, because no matter how painful the body is, it can't compare to the torture of the heart~