I raised my eyebrows at him: "What's so good about this?"
Li Huaishan thought about it for a long time before he could say two words from his mouth: "Domineering."
I smiled helplessly and did not continue discussing the topic.
Rather than saying domineering, it's better to say Biao.
I don't know what others think of the word "Biao", but in my opinion, Biao Huhu and Silly Huhu basically mean the same thing.
From a normal person to a fool, okay?
But since I didn't lose my mind even when I was furious, I consider myself lucky, at least I didn't become too stupid.
What really scared me was that during the short period of time when I was angry, I vaguely felt that something in my heart was broken.
It wasn't until I lost my temper that I figured out that that thing is called human nature.
At that time, I almost turned into a beast with human intelligence.
If there was not another force in my heart that restrained me, Chen Dabang and Widow Wang might have been two corpses.
But I'm not sure if this restraining force will appear again when I get angry again.
I was a little worried, so in order to relax myself, I took out my cigarette, lit it silently, and took a big puff of smoke.
Recently, my addiction to smoking seems to be getting bigger and bigger.
After this incident, Chen Dabang and Widow Wang were completely honest.
The east room was extremely quiet.
They didn't know what they were doing inside and didn't say a word.
Li Huaishan didn’t know what was going on.
He had been in a very excited state since he finished eating at noon.
He made me feel like a person who drank a lot of coffee.
His body was full of energy, but he had no energy.
The symptoms can only be relieved by constantly doing small actions and talking.
Every time Li Huaishan talks to me, I always say a few words casually.
He has unlimited energy, but I am overwhelmed by my worries and have no interest in chatting.
Now, Li Huaishan and I seem to have gone back to a few days ago.
At that time, when we first entered the village in the city, everything went wrong.
Our mentality, mental state, and the way we did things were all different from the past.
Same.
And now we seem to be affected by some unknown force, becoming less and less like ourselves.
This power comes from somewhere, invisible and formless.
I feel uneasy and have a weird sense of detachment in my heart, because I seem to vaguely feel that after the rage not long ago, Li Huaishan and I seemed to A door that should have been open was slowly opening.
A long time ago, we stood in that door.
But for more than twenty years, we have been consuming our talents in the world of the market, and gradually left that door under the trend of reality and secularity.
And now, we have to Went back.
When I say this, it may not be easy for you to understand how I felt at the time, but there is nothing I can do about it.
I just follow the facts as much as possible and retell what happened in the past exactly as it is.
If I really had to define what I felt at that time, I think the most appropriate word would be "chaos."
Yes, my thoughts were really confused at that time.
That day, Li Huaishan and I stood at the gate of the fort courtyard from afternoon to evening.
I remember clearly that the night sky was very clean that night, and I could clearly see a large number of stars in the night sky.
In order to calm down my chaotic mood, I raised my head and looked at the stars in the night sky.
Li Huaishan seemed to be inspired by something.
He stopped nagging and came to my side.
He looked at the night sky and became enchanted. .
Speaking of which, Li Huaishan should be completely ignorant of astrology, and I don't know much about it.
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The reason why I look up at the stars is just because this deep night can bring me extreme tranquility.
Just staring at the night sky for a while, a flashing red light appeared in the western sky.
At first I thought I was staring at one place for too long and my eyesight was blurry.
It wasn’t until Li Huaishan pointed in the direction of the west sky and asked me: “Did you see it?
What is that?”
I realized that I was not wrong.
I straightened up and took two steps toward the west, as if I could clearly see the red light in the western sky.
It is very blurry, like a ball of tulle floating in the night sky.
The dark night seems to have turned into deep water.
The water ripples are visible, and the red gauze appears and disappears.
I don't know if it is really an illusion.
When staring at that red light, I clearly realized that something in my heart was being torn apart and broken bit by bit.
Every time it disappeared, my heart sank.
Every time it appeared, my heart tightened. one time.
Li Huaishan also took a step forward and came closer to me.
He didn't say anything, and just like me, he silently stared at the west sky in trance.
In an inadvertent moment, the red light in the western sky suddenly became extremely bright, like a red sun hidden among the stars.
But in the next moment, this light seemed to be hit hard by something.
First, it was like a red sun.
The tremor then began to spread, fade, and completely disappear within a very short period of time.
Later, I asked the local villagers if they had seen the red light that night.
Some people said that they did not observe the night sky leisurely, while others told us clearly that there was no red light at all that night. flash.
Even a few years ago, I checked all the special astronomical phenomena that occurred at the end of 2007, but there was no document that could prove that the red light I saw actually occurred.
But I know it must have really appeared, because Li Huaishan and I both saw it, and what happened next seems to indicate that Taoist Master Kongyun who was far away in the Bohai Bay also saw the appearance of this red light.
I remember very clearly that when the red light dissipated, I suddenly felt that my whole heart was opened, and my whole person entered an unprecedented transcendental state from the inside out.
That feeling was like the filth that had been pressing on me and in my heart before.
Suddenly being washed away, it was more than relaxing.
Li Huaishan also smacked his lips and said to me: "If not, why do I feel that my heart is no longer depressed all of a sudden?
No, I can't say that, I should say that, I feel very relaxed now, but it's not that It’s an ordinary kind of relaxation.
But besides being relaxed, I’m also quite worried.
To be honest, I don’t know what I’m worried about.
Anyway, I’m very nervous, as if I’m lost.”
Li Huaishan is right.
Like him, I feel extremely relaxed both physically and mentally, but also have an extremely strong feeling of being lost.
Who am I, where am I, why did I come to this world, why do I stand here and look up at the stars These meaningless questions recur in my mind.
I don’t know why they appear, let alone how to answer them.
They all seem to have obvious answers, but I feel that the answers to these questions seem far away. and.
Just when Li Huaishan and I looked at each other speechless, our brows furrowing tighter and tighter, there was a sudden slight buzz in my pocket and my phone vibrated.
I took out my phone and took a look.
The screen showed that there was a new message in the mailbox.
The sender was none other than Taoist Master Kongyun.
When you open this text message, there are only a few words on the flashing white screen: "Break and then stand, you are still you.".
Li Huaishan snatched my phone away, put his whole face to the phone screen and looked at it, then raised his head and looked at me with a confused look on his face.
I looked at Li Huaishan briefly for a while, then raised my head and looked at the night sky again.
After a while, Li Huaishan asked me: "What does this text message mean?"
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I turned to look at him: "Put down the burden and let nature take its course."
Li Huaishan scratched his head, looking like he didn't understand.
I added: "Man follows the earth, the earth follows the sky, heaven follows the Tao, and the Tao follows nature."
Li Huaishan was still full of doubts.
I asked him: "Why are you lost?"
Li Huaishan thought for a long time and said: "I don't know, I just felt this way suddenly."
Before he could finish speaking, I interrupted him directly: "If you don't know the whole story, why are you still lost?"
Li Huaishan frowned and looked at me.
His expression was just like the same expression I had when I looked at Taoist Kongyun when he was talking to me.
I then said to him: "Broken and then established, it means breaking free from the shackles.
You are still you, and everything is natural.
Treat the unintentional as intentional, and remain unchanged to cope with all changes.
Isn't that what we are talking about?
Since we are unintentional, why do we still feel that I'm lost" When I said these words, I finally understood what Taoist Master Kongyun and Gai Dong meant by what they said to me.
Letting go is rebirth.
To let go is to break and then stand.
Letting go is natural.
Speaking of which, I would also like to thank Widow Wang.
If it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't have been angry.
If I hadn't been angry, I wouldn't have been able to completely break the shackles in my heart.
The epiphany lasted only a moment.
From then on, Ren Ruofei finally became Ren Ruofei.
Li Huaishan can see the red light in the western sky, which seems to mean that Li Huaishan has finally become Li Huaishan.
But the so-called epiphany does not mean that once we have enlightenment, we will become immortals next.
On the contrary, we are still mortals, with mortal bodies and ordinary hearts, but on this night, we found ourselves.
The world is so vast and the world of mortals is so deep.
Those who have been lost before and are still lost now are not just the two of us.
But Li Huaishan and I are very lucky.
At least we went around in the world of mortals, and after struggling all the way, we finally returned to the starting point, in a way that none of us expected.
Although there are some things that Li Huaishan can't understand yet, one day, he will understand.
As the night got darker, Li Huaishan and I stood outside the gate of the castle courtyard, looking at the stars in the night and falling into meditation for a long time.
When I left the family, I thought that as long as I understood Taoist Master Kongyun's words, the trip would be complete.
But after I really understood his words, I discovered that what I wanted to get from this trip was Far more than I had imagined earlier
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