My father's official position may be considered small, but it also makes the family well-off, and he can help others in times of trouble.
Although it may be considered large, my father is not a man of influence.
No matter what, my father never neglected to educate me, including playing music, chess, calligraphy, painting, poetry, and singing.
He also hired a Manchu master to teach me Manchu from an early age.
I knew from a very young age that this was for my entrance into the palace at the age of thirteen.
It happened that when I was thirteen years old, I fell seriously ill, and the show girl election was held every three years.
It was only at the age of sixteen that I ushered in this "belated" draft.
Before meeting her, I always thought that the rest of my life would be peaceful, just like the past sixteen years.
But since I met her, Zakuta Zhuri, my life seems to have been in turmoil.
In order to protect her, I would argue with others; because of her few words, I even planned a strategy for Huaiying to leave the palace.
Such rebellious behavior would never have been dared by me in the past; it is still partly because of her. , I tasted the taste of love, painful but also sweet I remember that I was accused of being given the title of concubine by Brother Jiu because he was a member of the Han Army.
Even so, I had no complaints.
In my heart, it was my duty to serve him well.
Grandpa seems to be very interested in my music and always comes to my place to listen to me play and sing, but he never seems satisfied.
Among several talents, my best is playing the piano.
Although I am not as good as the famous players, I am often praised by my master.
I don't know what makes me dissatisfied.
At the same time, Zhu Rui became the maid next to the good concubine.
The Eighth Master and I got close.
Zhu Rui came to see me a few times.
When I looked closely at her eyebrows, there was a look that was different from ordinary people, which made me feel strange.
His heart was shaken.
All the men are familiar with her, but I am an exception.
I always have a cold face towards Zhu Rui, and Zhu Rui seems to be very afraid of me, and is always cautious whenever I face him.
I can't tell what's wrong, but I do have something special about Zhu Rui.
Zhu Rui's sudden death was unexpected.
I didn't tell me the news.
I just stayed here one day, smelling of alcohol, and I was suddenly frightened when I heard him calling Zhu Rui's name non-stop during the night.
I thought he treated her differently than others.
Sure enough, before I could think about it, he suddenly called Zhu Rui, told her not to leave, and asked her how she could die.
I was stunned, Zhu Rui, how could it be possible for him to die so suddenly?
I didn't sleep all night.
When the waiter got up the next day, I pretended to mention Zhu Rui accidentally.
He seemed very impatient and his eyes were evasive.
My heart sank again and I said nothing more.
In the past few days, I came home drunk every day, often sleeping alone in the study, always waiting on me.
Thinking about it carefully, I'm afraid it's because of Zhu Rui's but, well, why did it suddenly disappear after saying no?
I can't figure it out, I can't figure it out.
Since then, Bamboo Crane has indeed never appeared in my life again.
Originally, I still had hope, but with every passing day, my hope decreased by one point, and I became more and more depressed.
I don't dare to show it in front of others.
Only at night, I often take out the little rabbit folded from a bamboo basket and look at things and miss people.
I often fall asleep with tears in my eyes after thinking about them.
After that, I became more thoughtful than usual, but came to my place more often, mostly to sit for a while and say a few words.
The other sisters are naturally jealous, but nothing has happened to me here.
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I estimate that it has been several months since Zhu Rui passed away, but there is still no news about her.
I asked people to inquire but to no avail.
After all, I am just a concubine and cannot be too public.
The maid said that I was losing weight day by day, and my constant supplements could not make me up.
That day, when I came back from a simple small banquet in the palace, I was in a good mood, showing a smile that had been rare in months, and the whole family became much happier.
My grandfather stayed at my place that day, and he actually called me "Ruo'er."
I was stunned, and the teacup in my hand slipped and fell on the carpet.
It was not broken, but it was wet.
I hurriedly went to pick it up, but he picked me up horizontally.
That whole night, he kept calling me "Ruoer, Ruoer" After that, my grandfather seemed to be back to his former self, smiling more and doting on me even more.
There is a lot of joy and comfort in my heart, but there is always a piece of loss that cannot be made up by bamboo baskets.
I finally found out about Zhu Rui’s death, even though it was a few months late.
I carefully asked him if I could go to worship, and he agreed.
After that, the only place I went out of the house was to Zhu Rui's tomb.
In February, I went on a tour to Jidian with the Holy Master and returned only a few days ago.
However, this time, before I returned, Chang Shun, who was beside me, came back first with a baby in his arms.
After reporting to Fujin, it turned out that he was an abandoned baby picked up on the roadside, and he arranged to keep it under the name of Manager Qin in the house.
Surprisingly, it was just a name, and this little baby specifically wanted me.
The person who came to raise the family was in a fog, and I didn’t know why he was doing this.
I couldn’t figure it out myself, so I had to raise the child first, and wait for him to come back to discuss other matters.
One afternoon, people were coming in and out of the yard, including nannies, little girls, and all sorts of things used to raise children.
Everyone in the house looked at her with all kinds of eyes, those who were envious, jealous, friendly, and doubtful.
I ignored them all.
After all, I was worried about her.
After I came back, I went into the room of my direct descendant Fujin first, and came out without even a stick of incense.
In every courtyard, everyone was craning their necks in anticipation of me passing by, but he came to me first.
There was joy in my heart, but I could also see that what I valued more was this little baby who almost didn't survive.
I have many children, but I have never held them in my arms.
As for this child, I didn’t put it down in my arms.
I kept teasing him, and even named him Qing Fei.
I guess it’s because he gave birth to a child in a straw husk.
She was lost in the family, and her nickname was Feng'er, which meant that she inherited a lot of love and expectations from her father.
However, I was wrong about everything.
The return of Zhu Rui is like this, so it is like this, my sudden enlightenment, my voice of "Ruo'er", my love for Feng'er, and even Feng'er's name is all because of her.
I didn't want to believe it, and I couldn't believe it, but the more I stopped thinking and guessing, the more I noticed something unusual between me and her.
Ever since I realized this, every time she came to the house to look for me, it became my biggest torment.
I had to keep convincing myself that I was overthinking it, that Zhu Rui was not like this, not like this. people.
But the more times I suppressed it, I found myself getting more and more irritable, until one time I came back from the house and saw me teasing Feng'er with her.
The two of them were smiling, angry or angry, as if they were a family of three.
Suddenly, a strong feeling of jealousy filled my chest.
My dear sister, whom I thought about day and night, had actually stolen my husband’s heart, and I had become a substitute.
I suppressed the jealousy and pretended to say hello respectfully. , said a lot of beautiful words.
She is the favored princess of the emperor.
If I do this, no one else can fault her.
But when I saw her turning from excitement to eclipse, I felt a thump in my heart.
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Have I become a "bad" woman?
I deliberately avoided her, and she seemed to notice something.
Finally one day, she "unceremoniously" blocked me in Feng'er's room, and looked directly at me for the "final showdown."
On that day, Feng'er, who usually cried a lot, was very well-behaved.
The room was very quiet, which made every word she said ring loud and impact my heart again and again.
But every time I see Feng'er in Yu's bed, I feel an inexplicable hatred and jealousy that hardens my heart, which I had just softened.
I still forced her to leave, but the last words she said when she was about to cross the threshold were actually a faint "I don't blame you", don't blame me, don't blame me, don't blame me, who should I blame?
Seeing the look in her eyes dim again and again, seeing her shoulders slumping again and again, her strange expression, eager tone, thin appearance, and the chestnut flour cake in the food box that was never broken, Feng There are all kinds of small toys in the hands of her son, none of which she did for What else can I do if I don't let her down?
My good sister, what did I say at the beginning, "Life is precious, love is more valuable, if we are sisters, we can throw away both."
The words are still in my ears, when I was with Huai Ying He made fun of her slang words, but when he repeated these words, he was sincere.
The oath is still there, the lover will not change, but I have changed, and turned into this face, but she only said "I don't blame you" in a neither light nor serious way.
I think I have never done anything more right than this in my life.
The moment I saved her, I also saved myself from my constant decline, and even more so my sisterhood, which was on the verge of being broken.
I thought I would live in such a harmonious way, with my father, my bamboo basket, and my phoenix.
I must be too happy, but God wants to take Feng'er away from me.
That fragile little baby can't survive it after a while.
That day, I was there and the bamboo basket was there.
I no longer cared about the rituals and cried loudly.
My father actually hugged me and called "Qing'er".
I was still sobbing and looking at me in disbelief.
He called me "Qing'er" instead of "Ruo'er".
This, this, he promised me a future and a child.
And that "Qing'er", was it the love he promised me?
In this life, I have never met you in vain
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