Chapter 240: Say goodbye to AE Xu Tingsheng and AE left before the reception ended. left the car to Huang Yaming and Tan Yao, who still didn't become a starlet in the end.
Of course, they will not give up, Huang Yaming's fatalism of "God told me to wander" has already been fully accepted by Tan Yao without hesitation.
As a result, both of them felt that they had a direction in life and comrades-in-arms.
In fact, in their opinion, Xu Tingsheng should also be a comrade-in-arms, but he has always refused to admit it and resisted stubbornly.
Xu Tingsheng and AE walked on the streets of Shenghai City in the middle of the night, in the summer night wind.
AE laughed all the way and shed tears again.
Xu Tingsheng walked not far behind her without hurrying.
AE stood on a bridge, leaning against the railing and spreading her arms, letting the wind blow her clothes and let her long hair flutter messily, including in the face.
Then she started singing with the best possible voice, singing that we are all good boys.
She said, "I should have been like this, Xu Tingsheng. ” Xu Tingsheng said: "This is very good. ” AE said: "Then what should you look like Xu Tingsheng."
Are you twenty years old, are you tired of playing yourself as a superman?"
Xu Tingsheng thought about it, rolled up the sleeves of his high-end suit, let it crumple, then pulled his tie, unbuttoned the top of his shirt, and smoked a cigarette.
It's like a delinquent teenager.
"Hello, let me know, my name is Xu Tingsheng, and I am twenty years old this year."
After speaking, Xu Tingsheng said again: "I think so." ” So AE laughed out loud and said, "Who would have imagined that you are so handsome." ” Everyone has had a time when they were uninhibited teenagers, at least imaginary, and later, life changed the appearance of most people.
Xu Tingsheng didn't say the second half of the sentence: "This time, I was born to be what I was after being changed." ” In fact, men generally have a common point in remembering their youth.
Rich people, high-ranking officials, celebrities, ordinary people, in short, most people, when one day they are in their thirties and forties, with a big belly or rough palms, and occasionally walk through the hillside or park or alley where they have their first date in life, in fact, they generally have the same feelings and feelings.
Occasionally, men even miss who they had to fight with when they were thin, and after winning or losing, they were blocked by a group of people at the school gate.
Even the nervousness and fear at that time, when I look back on it after many years, actually find it funny.
Therefore, it is the society that portrays the teenagers as different in the end, rather than the so-called growth.
The changes that teenagers are forced to make in society and have to make are said to be growth.
This is the biggest lie of this society, and the most "dirty" slander of life.
It's like someone slashing a beautiful painting and saying, "Look, the years have cracked it."
"It's shameless.
AE kissed lightly on Xu Tingsheng's lips, stopping at the touch, but so serious.
Do you remember the first time the girl kissed you on the lips?
Then, she took his hand and continued walking.
As a result, people went from the dim street lamps to the neon splendor.
Finally, another headlong into a deep alley.
Two people walk through an alley and find a small shop at the end of another deep alley.
Outside the store, old light bulbs are glowing dimly under the eaves, and the boss and the proprietress sitting at the door are not young.
AE said: "Boss, boss, do you remember me" The two men looked at it, thought for a moment, and finally shook their heads.
AE was not disappointed, took Xu Tingsheng into the store, ordered a few side dishes, and asked for wine.
The first glass of wine, AE said: "When I first came to Shenghai, my mother worked in this shop.
At that time, the two of us lived in the back of here, in the little attic of an old house.
I remember every rainy night, we had to get up and take out all the pots and cans, and then the rain that leaked from the corner of the bedside house.
Then they hugged each other, leaned against the head of the bed, listened to the wind and rain, and the sound of rumbling and thunder, and did not dare to sleep all night.
Dad used to love Mom very much, and I remember him saying that the two of us were like he had two daughters. ” Then, for the first time, Xu Tingsheng heard AE talk about her past so seriously.
Albeit fragmented.
In 1993, AE's father suddenly decided to divorce, and then left Libei in a hurry.
So 10-year-old AE followed his mother to Shenghai, just because his mother heard that he was in Shenghai.
They didn't find him, but chose to stay.
The spoiled mom begins to learn to survive strong independently while taking care of AE.
"I started going to school here with such a strong anxiety and fear," says AE, "and I was actually very quiet and well-behaved at first.
Don't laugh. ” "Actually, I always thought that if my dad had been there, maybe I might end up being a different girl, maybe like someone you've probably met.
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She is one of the girls I have ever seen in Libei Middle School, no, the most envious and yearning for all the girls I have ever seen, her name is Ye Yingjing.
I envy her more than Zhixin.
Of course, my academic performance may not be as good as hers, but it won't be that bad.
You know there was a time when I wanted to be friends with her, but it couldn't be, right?"
After AE finished speaking, he smiled with tears in his eyes.
Then continue: "But no one cares, they just say I'm a rustic countryman, a classmate, and even a teacher.
They said I spoke with a country accent, dressed dirty, and had a dirty name.
Some people would pinch my clothes and laugh at me for being poor.
At that time, my family was really poor, and my clothes were always very old, even though they were clean. ” "Then we started to have English classes, and I learned that most of my classmates had already learned, and they took turns to go up to the podium and introduce themselves in English, telling everyone their English names, some of them were called Dave, Aaron, some of them were called Rose, Jessica," "When it was my turn, I was nervous, and the teacher saved me the need to introduce myself and asked me what my English name was.
I said, ae.
AE smiled and said, "Actually, it was because at that time, except for heo and hi, I only knew this, so I said it." ” "My classmates were laughing, but the teacher said the name was cute."
"Since then, I've told Dave and Rose that my name is AE. ” AE has a cute English name, but in the end it doesn't get recognition from the "good" classmates, and finally she has to realize that she can only be of the same kind with the bad classmates who start secretly dyeing their hair yellow.
"I learned to talk like them, walk, play with them.
I have friends.
Then I found that although more and more people hated me, they began to dare not speak out and began to be afraid of me.
Including those classmates who didn't even want to share a table with me before, they later sat honestly on the sidelines, not daring to say anything.
Anyway, they hate me, right, so why should I care?
Later, as I grew up, I became more and more beautiful, and many boys began to like me, all kinds of boys, like me.
Then I learned how to deal with them and use them.
I'm amazing. ” AE found her protective color.
"Later, I became the first time you saw me.
It wasn't until the third year of high school that I didn't know that I was going to go back to Libei to take the college entrance examination, but I didn't pass the college entrance examination for the first time, and my mother insisted that I transfer to the high school in Libei, so I went to your class.
In the small county town of Libei, in Libei Middle School, I found that I became the most special outlier, and when I described myself to others, I would even exaggerate this difference, and then enjoy their incredible gaze, and even flattering and following attitude.
Do you remember that time?"
Xu Tingsheng shook his head and said, "I forgot, I don't remember much about that time." ” ae said: "Yes, at that time, you didn't seem to care about anything, just played football, and fooled around with Huang Yaming and Fu Cheng, you even chased Yao Jing like a game of interest, I want to laugh when I see it."
However, you actually hated me at that time, you didn't look at me at all, you didn't care about me.
Actually, I was quite curious about you at the time, but once I took the initiative to greet you, you see that I didn't speak.
You look at me like my former disdainful classmates.
So I thought you were, and I started to make myself hate you. ” Xu Tingsheng said: "At that time, there were probably not many people who liked me.
I'm a different kind of weird person. ” AE laughed, and then said: "Later, until 3 months before the college entrance examination, you suddenly left and came back, and then you began to shine like a god.
Heck, I've never seen such an amazing person, so I was fascinated at once.
But I later thought back that the real reason, do you know what it is" Xu Tingsheng said: "What is it?"
AE said, "It's because you've done what I fantasize you can do, and you've become what I fantasize you can be."
In a word, don't laugh, in fact, it wasn't until then that I realized that I actually wanted to be a good person, and I didn't have to find a way to find recognition, and I was recognized by everyone. ” Drinking a glass of wine, AE continued: "I started looking for ways to get close to you, and we made contact.
Then, I found another you, found warmth and stability in you, and I began to like you.
Then do your best and hope to be liked by you.
All along, I have always hoped that I can show you a special me, become a me who can be recognized by you, and do not hesitate to force and wronged myself. ” AE's life, since the day she came to Shenghai, has actually been doing the same thing, losing herself, disguising herself, changing herself, looking for identity, looking for a sense of belonging.
Then, she lost herself.
The root of depression is actually self-denial.
She experienced the darkest time in her life, even if she finally came to Xu Tingsheng's side, she only found that she was just a vassal with no sense of existence and no independent existence.
A lonely baby sika deer looks for the eaves and gets stuck in swamp and darkness on the way.
After escaping with difficulty, she looked back at the way she had come and stopped to see the eaves.
Finally, she turned around and walked into the forest on the other side, where she was the sika deer.
Counting the penultimate cup, AE said, "Xu Tingsheng, thank you."
You gave me a glimpse of who I wanted to be. ” For the last glass of wine, AE said: "You and I, let's say goodbye to AE together, I'm Cen Xiyu.
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Cen Xiyu will still like Xu Tingsheng, but it won't be like before.
May you like me as I am. ” From ae to Cen Xiyu about the name, I want to try to be as simple as possible, at least slightly true.
Of course, there are also causes of naming disorder, such as unaccustomed reading and temporary discomfort that may be experienced.
I hope you will be able to adapt and be considerate.
This metamorphosis and rebirth in growth, finding oneself, is the setting set from the beginning, and it is also a question that many people have been asking me, why AE does not have a Chinese name.
But in the process of writing, because of giving in, because of lack of ability, I gave up a lot of important details, so the writing was far from deep and thorough.
Just like in Li Wan'er, I originally wanted to explore another life, but because I couldn't bear the pressure, I gave up a lot, which was not profound enough.
Cen Xiyu is an ae, not an ae, what kind of girl Cen Xiyu will be, I hope everyone has patience and looks forward to it.
I know that online articles rarely do this like me, so self-righteous, stupid and don't want to discuss something after all, it's still a little sick, and I can't completely change it for the time being.
I will definitely change it in the future.
Please don't be in a hurry to laugh at me, and give the newcomer a little tolerance, ha
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