Before I met her again, I missed her, missed her, and hated her.
But after meeting her, I found that the once simple obsession had been turned into strong liquor by time.
I was drunk and dreaming.
That day, I stood on the high white jade steps of Donghe Palace, looking down at her walking towards her from a distance in her gorgeous clothes, and I actually felt slightly nervous.
Such emotions have not appeared in my heart for a long time, and I felt a sense of humor inexplicably.
After several years, her face is still gentle and beautiful, her eyebrows are like distant mountains, and her glazed eyes still seem to be able to see through people's hearts.
It's just that there is less agility and aura of a girl, and more sedimentation and fatigue in her eyes.
Yes, I can see that.
The moment she saw me, her face turned pale, and her long, slender hands were trembling slightly.
Finally, he lowered his head slightly, covering his eyes that were filled with joy, guilt, helplessness or surprise.
At the same time, I was relieved, and a flood of joy washed over me.
It turns out that she has not forgotten me, it turns out that she has been feeling guilty, it turns out that I am not a dispensable passerby to her.
But I remember how from beginning to end I could only look at her from a distance, and I couldn't even express my love for her openly like Zheng Yu.
Because I don’t deserve it, my body is already dirty.
However, I am not willing to let her be deceived by such a sanctimonious hypocrite.
I am not willing that the existence that was once a little fairy will be submerged in the dust of the world.
I am not willing that she is at the mercy of fate like me and cannot extricate herself.
In this life, I just want to watch her quietly and watch her gain happiness.
When I visited the princess's house at night, I saw the traveling sword inlaid with green beads again.
It was my personal belongings many years ago, and it was the only thing that survived after my family was exterminated.
It was a magic weapon that could cut iron like mud and blow hair short.
It was when I was young and energetic, and I just liked her, so I thought about being nice to her, and even gave her everything.
So at Luojia Mountain, I gave her the Fuyou Dao for self-defense.
She held the knife and looked at it for a long time and giggled: "Xiaoyun, you didn't steal this knife, did you?"
At that time, she called me Xiaoyun, which made Gu Mingxuan very unhappy.
I was very happy, even though I knew she just took care of me like a younger brother.
But what's the matter?
If you like her, shouldn't you fight for it?
One year later, on my way back to Donghe from Xiliang via Chenzhou, I met a young man.
Carrying a sword on his back, smiling innocently and harmlessly, he was beaten to death for the girl he liked and left in the middle of the road.
I think he looks very much like me when I was young.
So I accepted him as my only apprentice, Chu Feng.
In fact, I was not kind to her, and even took her away and locked her in a water prison to set a trap for Gu Mingxuan.
I said extremely vicious things to her, and I told her all the torture I had endured in Luojia Mountain, which I had no intention of telling anyone.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel completely out of control when I look at her.
But after saying that, looking at her pale eyebrows, I regretted it again.
What's the use of saying this to make her repent?
Or do I want her to atone for her sins?
She must be completely disappointed in me.
Later, Concubine Yue returned to Beijing.
I thought this was an excellent opportunity.
She and I are also controlled by the Xiliang Witch Clan, but her ambitions are obviously greater.
But unfortunately, she has a son who is like mud and can't hold up the wall.
He has always been a chess piece that is easy to control.
Every decadent night when I humiliated myself under him, I would involuntarily think of such a pair of extremely bright glazed eyes, but in an instant I wanted to wash them away from my mind, because they were for her.
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Blasphemy.
Gu Mingxuan has never been a good match for her, and Zheng Yu is not even worthy of a finger of hers, so how can I let these two people get what they want.
What's more, there is still a life-and-death feud between me and Gu Mingxuan.
Therefore, Zheng Yu, under my bewitchment, wanted to take back power step by step and trap her step by step.
But I also know that with her many years of management in the government and the public and her friendship with Zheng Yu, it is impossible to push her into a corner.
Only by putting them to death can they survive.
So someone had to sacrifice, and Qingluan, her sister had to become a victim in the political whirlpool.
I don't think what I did was wrong, but I still feel guilty towards her.
But the funny thing is that later Gu Mingxuan actually chose to make the same decision as me.
Qingluan must die.
He was a man who regarded her as his life, but he was also ruthless and regarded human life as nothing.
His cold-bloodedness is hidden under his gentle appearance, like a poppy flower that is full of poison but blooms brilliantly.
So I did not hesitate to reveal Gu Mingxuan's true face to Zheng Yu through her mouth.
I know that she will be in pain, so painful that she will die.
But as long as the carrion is removed, the wound will eventually heal.
At that time, I will send her to a quiet and beautiful place where no one can find her to live quietly.
Seeing her married to a wife, with children and grandchildren around her knees.
However, I never expected that she would end it all in such a decisive way.
When the news of her death came, I suddenly realized, had I been wrong from the beginning?
Did I personally push the person I loved most onto a road of irreversibility?
Was I the one who deserved it most?
I shouldn't have done it at all.
After coming out of Luojia Mountain, I should bury my bones there and quietly be a lonely ghost.
The great sadness is speechless, but for me there is only emptiness.
If you have never got it, there will be no pain of loss, but why is it so painful for a heart that seems to have not beaten for a long time?
If all of them have their own faults, how can I live from now on?
Aning, I want to meet you earlier in my next life, okay: