Chapter 70 - "I am missing one in the window period of my feelings." ”In the restaurant, the music is gentle, the lights are gentle, and the night breeze is awe-inspiring.Chen Xiaozhi's voice fell lightly with extreme frivolity and teasing.At that moment, Shen Dayye felt a dull humiliation.Chen Xiaozhi was looking at her with an unprecedented playfulness.Shen Dayye tried to look at him directly at first, but when he saw Chen Xiaozhi's pupils, he trembled and moved his eyebrows, and his heart was so uncomfortable that he almost felt as if he had been shattered.- He doesn't treat me like a human being at all.Shen Dayye realized sluggishly.Those I regarded as the treasures of my youth, the love poems he hand-copied that I didn't want to throw away, and everything Chen Xiaozhi had, the winter night when we hugged and slept together, we talked about the ideal night.I have cherished all this for ten years, and I have never regretted it for ten years.But what is all this to him?
Count "the window period is long", count "how, try again".Count the contempt and weakness in his eyes.Am I a human being to him, Shen Tianye trembled and thought, am I an equal person to him now?
How could he humiliate me like this, how could he be such a person?
Sweeping over was the pain that almost everything was shattered.Shen Dayye's eyes were blooming, the tip of his nose turned red, and his fingers pinched the napkin tightly.- Therefore, Shen Dayye did not see Chen Xiaozhi's almost spasmodic fist.The light reflected on the man's body, and Chen Xiaozhi looked at her intently, almost crying, with bloodshot eyes.Why wasn't she mine, why did she have to leave at that time?
Chen Xiaozhi heard the thunder in his skull, he saw the hair of Shen Dayye, who was injured by him, and saw her white, slightly exposed delicate shoulders.- Shen Tianye couldn't even speak at this time.Then Chen Xiaozhi suppressed his anger lightly, and said in an extremely idle and unobtrusive manner: "Okay, I'm not forcing you." ”Shen Dayye snorted."
Let's go," Chen Xiaozhi picked up his coat and said coldly, "I'll send you back to the dormitory." ”But Shen Dayye could barely hear anything.She could hardly see anything, she didn't shed tears, her mind was buzzing, but she vaguely knew that in this evening, she was broken by Chen Xiaozhi something extremely precious - Chen Xiaozhi did it with his own hands.The last beautiful memories she had that could be talked about and comforted by life were shattered into pieces, like the tea cup she broke when she was a child and her grandmother's favorite teacup.Shen Dayye stood up from the table tremblingly, and his eyes darkened for a while.Chen Xiaozhi raised his eyebrows: "What are you doing?"
Let's go. ”The summer night was windy, Shen Dayye was holding on to the table, and his face turned white in discomfort for a while-so Chen Xiao shook his coat and draped it on Shen Dayye's body."
Think about it," Chen Xiaozhi said to her maliciously, "But are you single now?"
If not, I don't have a penchant for being a third party. ”After speaking, Chen Xiaozhi tightened his coat on Shen Dayye's shoulder, and smiled gently: "Look at your such a popular appearance-a lot, right?"
”He paused slightly, put his hand on his hand, and asked viciously, "-Is there any, um?"
”-…… What Chen Xiaozhi destroyed was once in Shen Dayye's heart, as tender as spring thunder rolling across the earth.It is the first love of that fifteen-year-old girl who has never regretted it no matter what, even if she is twenty-five, a love that she has never questioned in her life, a love that she admires Shaoai, and it is her ten-year-old determination that 'he will not change' - this 'will not change' does not mean that this teenager will love her forever.Rather, 'whether he loves me or not, he will 'cherish' and my youth.'"
Just "cherish" it.-- Obviously, everything is good.A drizzly afternoon.The moment when Chen Xiaozhi grabbed her hand for the first time.The billowing, flame-like body of heat burned the other—the hottest life that an underage boy could touch.The two of them looked up at the night sky, and laughed at the ideals they mentioned."
WALL-E" watched together in the quilt on the eve of the finals, ballet in space with two little robots, PIXAR Studio.The girl stood on tiptoe in the knife-like north wind and snatched it away, which belonged to Chen Xiaozhi's first kiss.But Chen Xiaozhi disdained all this.Shen Dayye found that he was not special to him, and even made him hateful, Chen Xiaozhi didn't want to get back together, fifteen-year-old me, when I kissed him, did I know that the boy I loved would one day use all this as a weapon to play with himself?
…… Shen Tianye was so uncomfortable that he couldn't even walk steadily, and he trembled and pushed open the door of his dormitory, dragging his lead-filled legs, and suddenly planted himself into the soft bed.Chen Xiaozhi's coat fell to the ground, and the window shook off the moonlight.…… In the afternoon the bohemian aunt said to her, 'They never left you.'"
But that should be the comfort of a passer-by by a person who has faith and believes in the afterlife, who cannot be resurrected after death, and who leaves will eventually become a g of loess, which is only worth a glass of wine poured over the grave every spring.-- One by one, they will go away.Shen Dayye broke down and cried in despair.The glory of yesteryear.The most respected teacher in life.A father who was chased as a target.A dream that has been with me for almost twenty years.And the gentle young man who held her hand on the eve of the final.Someone embarks on a journey of no return, leaving her behind without looking back, crying hoarsely; Someone reappeared in her life, but it was no longer the same person she used to be.
――Fifteen-year-old me, would I want this kind of life?
Why should I watch myself live like this, why should I shed blood and tears and get nothing?
Why should I struggle to find out that I am doing nothing?
Shen Dayye completely collapsed in the middle of the night.She got up, sat down at her desk, turned on the light and began to write.Shen Dayye wrote while crying, and the tears fell on the letter paper, and the handwriting was leaked.She cried and told her past self to give up the physics competition that would hurt her in 2008 and save her self-esteem; She cried for the fifteen-year-old to stay away from Chen Xiaozhi, a little farther away, and kick him out of her life before she loved him too much; She trembled and made herself give up the dream that her father had given her.All this made Shen Dayye bruised all over his body, and Shen Dayye had had enough of this kind of life.-- This is not a recommendation.That's an order.- "I hope that in my life, there has never been Chen Xiaozhi.""
I wish I had never dreamed of being an astrophysicist.""
I want my young me to avoid all the hurt and unhappiness that will befall me."......
"I hope that in the past, I would have a different life."-…… As soon as Shen Dayye finished writing, it was equivalent to denying his entire past, and his heart was numb with pain, and tears almost rolled down his cheeks like beads with broken threads.She trembled and spread out the tear-soaked letterhead, making sure that there was nothing in it that could touch the mosaic, and folded the soft and collapsed letter three times, tucking in the only miracle of her life.-- The only chance she had to change her situation.The experiment notebook that her father had left her.She cried so much that her eyes were red and swollen, and she picked up her mobile phone to check the time, and found that it was almost eleven o'clock, and there were more than 20 red dots dancing on WeChat.Shen Dayye: "......"
She wiped the corners of her eyes, smoked a tissue to blow her nose, and ordered the green app.At the top is the dialog box between her and her mom and grandma, both of which are unread.Shen Tianye clicked on her mother's first, and her mother said that she took her grandmother to the hospital today - her grandmother was in very bad health, and the doctor said that she didn't know if she could survive this winter.Shen's mother didn't tell her grandmother, but her grandmother seemed to know it, and her mother felt that she couldn't hide it from this old man.Shen Dayye's tears kept pouring out.The Buddha said that there are eight sufferings in life, birth, old age, sickness, death, resentment, hatred, can't beg, love and parting.Grandma's body has been broken for a long time, and she is old......
In the early years, the relationship between my mother and my grandmother was still deadlocked, but after my grandmother was dragged into the hospital, although the two women did not say anything particularly soft, they gradually got together.Hua Yan sent Zhao Lanjun to the hospital and stayed with her all night in the hospital.No one has ever mentioned forgiving anyone, but the years have diluted the sharp edges between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.Shen Dayye obediently replied to her mother's WeChat while crying, saying that I had a holiday with my mentor during the winter vacation, and I would definitely go back to celebrate the New Year with you.Then, Shen Dayye clicked on his grandmother's WeChat box.Grandma didn't mention her trip to the hospital at all - not only did she not say a word, but she also sent her little granddaughter a link to the road and ordered her granddaughter to help her grab a train ticket from Beijing to Xiamen, saying that she wanted to go to Xiamen for a trip during the 11th holiday.Shen Dayye's tears finally stopped a little.She went down one by one, most of them were pushed by the official account, but she suddenly saw at a glance that Chen Xiaozhi also sent unread messages.Shen Daye: "............"
Shen Dayye only felt uncomfortable in his heart, trembling and clicking on Chen Xiaozhi's avatar, and saw that he sent a WeChat message ten minutes ago: "What about people?
”It's like checking the post.Shen Dayye cried so much that his eyes were swollen into peaches, and there were still tears on his fingertips that had not been wiped clean, and the screen was full of water when he pressed it.She lied and replied, "Just went to take a shower." ”Chen Xiaozhi said: "Take a shower for two hours?
Didn't I tell you to contact me as soon as you got out of the car?
”Shen Dayye held the head of the duck on his head, and replied with a sob: "......
I'm sorry. ”"When did you ever take what I told you to heart when you were a child?"
Chen Xiaozhi asked aggressively: "Shen Dayye, you are really the least brainy person I have ever interacted with." ”When Shen Daye saw the words 'so many appointments', tears rolled out again--whether this time was sad, this time it was wronged.- Not only does he not take me seriously, I can't compare to him in scientific research, and I can't compare to him in love, I've been single for ten years, and he really wasted to death outside, why is this first girlfriend so aggrieved......
It's time to start all over again......
Then Chen Xiaozhi said harshly: "If you can't do research well, let you be responsible for some chores, right?"
”Shen Dayye hummed pale and haggard.She is actually quite accustomed to doing these things - Shen Dayye has been in charge of the miscellaneous affairs of the research group for several years when she was in China, but after coming here, the chores are basically handled by Chen Xiaozhi himself.Shen Dayye must admit that although it was painful, Chen Xiaozhi was indeed a good mentor.Chen Xiaozhi said more harshly: "Tomorrow I will be in charge of chores in my office, clean up for me at eight o'clock in the morning, water the flowers I raised before leaving in the afternoon, sort out the documents, and run errands in the future is also your job - by the way, give me the bank card number here." ”Shen Daye: "......"
Chen Xiaozhi: "?
”Shen Dayye's heart was like ashes to Chen Xiao, and he was more sad than dead, and said, "I can't take your money." ”Chen Xiaozhi: "......???
”Shen Dayye held the head of the duck on his head, and said very honestly: "Keeping it won't work." ”"......"
Chen Xiaozhi said angrily: "Shen Dayye, you are really sick, let me recommend a doctor to you?"
I won't give you a subsidy if you've been here for a month?
”Shen Dayye: "............" and then Chen Xiaozhi said coldly: "What about your mother, and still take care of it?"
Did you graduate from an angry major?
I haven't seen the professionalism, and I'm fucking angry all day long, you're a real bull.Tomorrow I will go to the head of the department to sue you, do you believe it?
”Shen Dayye, who was crying with a headache and a duck head, painfully apologized to the perpetrators of all evils: "Yes, I'm sorry......"
Chen Xiaozhi: "Absolutely." ”Then Chen Xiaozhi said coldly: "This time I will give you an extra payment, and tomorrow I will book the ticket to Indonesia and the hotel together." ”Shen Tianye sobbed, cried and trembled, and said a 'hmm' in a trembling voice.Then Chen Xiaozhi suddenly sent a large package of documents.-- The package was full of 200 MB, from charts and graphs to observations and annotations to the first and second drafts of his project ideas.These documents can't be passed on to the outside world, especially if the tutor passes them on to the students, right?
Shen Dayye actually doesn't know much about the cooperation of pure theoretical disciplines, but in the field of Condensedmatterphysics, where she originally stayed, in the unpublished stage of the paper, all the data, even the specific ideas, should be kept secret with the strictest secrecy.If it is an applied discipline, Chen Xiaozhi is almost sharing his results by passing these documents.Of course, it is common for students to send their work to the tutor because the tutor needs to tell the student what his problems are; But as a mentor who is willing to send the data of this incubation stage to doctoral students, Shen Dayye has never heard of any of them since he was a child.Shen Dayye wiped her tears, she cried so much that the corners of her eyes and the tips of her nose were red, and she turned on the computer to receive the file - but the next second, the phone buzzed again.Professor Chen sent another message: "Scan it before noon tomorrow to have a general understanding, and I will explain it to you carefully in the afternoon." ”-“…… That is to say, you are going to pay subsidies," Zhang Zhen said with a staggered voice: "At the same time, you want to wipe the table and lamp for your ex-boyfriend, water the flowers, serve tea and pour water?"
”Shen Dayye said: "There is also a part-time errand job, obviously the subsidy can't be gray-haired." ”Zhang Zhen: "......"
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"All the mentors in the world are the same," Shen Dayye put a Xiaoice bag on his crying red eyes, and said flatly: "......
Also, don't say he's my ex-boyfriend. ”Zhang Zhen: "......
Okay, okay. ”Shen Tianye closed his eyes and applied a Xiaoice bag, and said quietly: "You can call him anything, you can call him a dog, in short, don't call him Shen Tianye's ex-boyfriend." ”Zhang Zhen whispered: "Ye Ye, it's the first time I saw you take off your powder and step on ......"
Shen Dayye: "............"
Zhang Zhen: "......"
Shen Dayye leaned on the chair in his office and said palely: "You just took off your powder and stepped back, I don't think it's worth it." ”"I don't know how much he plans to send me," Shen Dayye sighed: "But it should be more than what Li Lei gave......
Academician Zhou gave 4,000 a month to the doctoral students, and Li Lei asked me to sign it, and I had to deduct 1,000 yuan every month, and I added 1,500 yuan issued by the state, which is not as much as the migrant workers at the construction site outside. ”Zhang Zhen said enviously: "It's good, I'm 1,005 a month." ”Shen Dayye: "......"
Shen Dayye's monthly income is less than that of migrant workers, more than Zhang Zhen, and the dog's heart finally has more warmth in the world, put down the ice pack to cover his eyes, went to Chen Xiaozhi's office, and cleaned him.Chen Xiaozhi's office was quite chaotic, Shen Dayye picked up the piles of documents on the table for him, and piled him up into a mountain very hastily, silently thinking in his heart that Chen Xiaozhi should die quickly, and then gave him a middle finger to his notebook.His desktop is quite clean and tidy, after opening the curtains, the desktop is clean and dust-free, and there is not a single photo on the table, Shen Dayye wiped the table for him, and saw an original Spanish version on the corner of the table, Pablo?
Neruda "Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair".Shen Tianye took Spanish as an elective in junior high school and learned it well, so he opened it curiously and found that there was a folding page inside.The fourteenth song was folded into a corner."
Every day you play with the light of the universe, gentle visitor, you come to the flowers, to the water......."
The California sun was warm, and Shen Dayye was about to look down when he heard Chen Xiaozhi say coldly, "I asked you to move my table?"
”Shen Dayye: "............"
"Shen Dayye is at your level of tidying up the desktop," Chen Xiaozhi pushed the door in and said poisonously: "Don't move my desktop, your pot of stew is tidying up, I can't find anything after moving." ”Shen Dayye quietly closed the poetry collection and pushed it back.Then Chen Xiaozhi laughed at her: "You wiped the ground quite cleanly, huh?"
When will you still mop the floor?
”Shen Dayye scolded me for mopping the floor for a long time, and now I can connect to the toilet, you can't think of it-Then Shen Dayye was as quiet as a chicken and didn't speak."
If you know how to work, do more," Chen Xiaozhi said casually: "Seeing that you have a sore muscle every day, and your efficiency is not high, come over at one o'clock in the afternoon." ”Shen Dayye said humiliatingly: "......
Good. ”In the next second, there were two rings on Chen Xiaozhi's door.Shen Dayye was making coffee for Chen Xiaozhi, Chen Xiaozhi said please come in, and then a young student opened the door and poked his head in."
Professor Chen," the student said, "High Energy Physics wants to borrow a few students from your side to do an experiment together, are your students free today and tomorrow?"
”Shen Dayye was stunned for a moment, and understood that this was sometimes an escapable chore in the department.It's annoying, but it's not really easy to push, and it often comes directly to the guru.However, it usually doesn't take up much time.Senior Sister Shen looked at the coffee pot in her hand, and then at Chen Xiaozhi, thinking that I might as well go to Gao Neng to do a day job, glanced at her watch, and said, "My time-" Before Shen Dayye finished speaking, "My time should be fine", Chen Xiaozhi said mercilessly: "No." ”The student who came to borrow the person didn't expect this unfolding and paused."
My students have their own projects to do."
Chen Xiaozhi said coldly: "-Don't talk about it now, and I won't borrow it in the future." ”