Chapter 132 - "Only." ”The sound of rain continued, and the sky fell on the side of the window.Shen Dayye lay on the small bed in the RV, looked at the fog and the sky, and whispered to his childhood sweetheart who was driving in front of him."
Huh?"
The childhood friend tilted his head.Shen Dayye thought about it and asked, "How would you describe your father?"
”Chen Xiao was stunned, thought of something, and replied seriously: "My dad is a good person. ”"That's not enough."
Shen Dayye said provocatively: "You have to say more."
After all, from birth to the present, your parents are your closest relatives and one of the first people you see in your life. ”Chen Xiaozhi frowned: "......"
Then Professor Chen pondered, and after a while, he said rigorously: "The newborn's visual development is not complete, and he can only see 2-4 centimeters in front of his eyes, so the first person I saw in my life may not be him." ”Shen Dayye turned over on the bed and asked in a friendly manner, "You were beaten a lot when you were a child, right?"
”That's the truth, Xiao Chen Xiaozhi was beaten every three or five times, not necessarily because his father the soles of his shoes, but compared to Shen Dayye, a little squeamish bag like Shen Dayye, who no one dared to touch a finger since he was a child, Professor Chen was simply beaten.Dr.
Chen: "......"
Shen Dayye laughed, got up and held his cheeks to look at him.Chen Xiaozhi, who was beaten up, coughed and said, "My dad is a ......
Good people in the less traditional sense. ”“…… I didn't have much contact with him when I was a kid, he was always out of town. ”Chen Xiaozhi said casually: "Before my family bought a house, I lived in the compound with my mother, and the compound was basically the same as me......
I also know that my dad is quite capable, because he is the most diligent. ”Shen Tianye shook her feet, thinking of the uncle who drove her home, wearing glasses and looking good-tempered.Professor Chen drove the car and said, "Capable people always come to give gifts during the New Year's holidays.It's a shame to say that my dad didn't refuse to come.He likes to make a list of these things, and when he makes a list, he catches me and shows me off, and as soon as he shows it off, I will slash him and tell my dad that this is called bribery, and you are going to be caught - my dad thinks I am like my grandfather, and throws me out. ”Shen Dayye imagined that Xiao Xiaozhi was dragged by the collar and thrown out, and laughed."
-I thought my dad was not decent at the time."
Chen Xiaozhi said casually: "My grandfather and I kiss, my grandfather is called a upright, up and down, there is not a single bone that is not upright like a pine......
It's not the same as my dad. ”Shen Dayye remembered the shadow of the old man, and only remembered that it was an old man with white hair and straight shoulders, who liked Xiao Dayye very much, and would put Xiaodayleaf on his shoulders and let her pick small cherries on the branches.Shen Dayye couldn't remember the old man's appearance, but the old man obviously left a long trace in her Xiao Zhi's heart.Chen Xiaozhi: "But when I was a child......
That year, my dad sent me away. ”Shen Dayye was stunned."
I wasn't even ten years old at the time," Chen Xiaozhi said, "one day he picked me up from school and looked very dignified, woke me up from bed in the early hours of the same day, packed my luggage roughly, and drove me to my uncle's house overnight, and then I didn't see him and my mother again for half a year." ”Shen Dayye: "......
Huh?
”"I asked my uncle what happened to my father," Chen Xiaozhi said indifferently: "My uncle shook his head and told me that you should let your father tell you about this matter, and said that people always know that they can't do it, although thousands of people go to it." ”"I don't understand, I don't know how my dad could be involved with such a grand sentence.""
Later, I learned," Chen Xiaozhi said, "The cause of the incident was that a research and development research group at Tsinghua University made a breakthrough that year and touched the cake of a multinational company.But the research group's scientific research fund accounts are not pretty-"-"-You also know that at that time, if you want to buy an instrument, you have to wait for the unified financial bidding daylily to be cold, so their research group has cashed out funds for efficiency.So the company took this arrow and directly got the big tutor of the research group in, an academician surnamed Zhang. ”Shen Dayye's pupils were shocked, and he gasped."
At that time, in fact, the company planned to trample the academician to death in one go.Because everybody didn't think that breakthrough was important. ”Chen Xiaozhi looked ahead and said: "Back then, the atmosphere was to let foreign companies in, and the field that the research group did was a notorious and extremely important field......
Shen Dayye said in disbelief: "-Honghu 02?
”Chen Xiaozhi glanced at her and said, "I guess you know too." ”…… It's more than just knowing.Shen Dayye thought.The Honghu 02 project is the blood and tears of a whole generation, and it is an expedition that concentrates the most elite group of students in the engineering departments of the two schools at that time.After the fall, it became a secret wound for her teachers."
Then my father, who had been watching from the sidelines, suddenly came out and tried his best to save Academician Zhang."
Shen Dayye: "......!!!
”"It's impossible to get him out," Chen Xiaozhi drove the lane: "--But twenty years can be changed into five years......
Twenty years can completely kill a scholar's scientific life, but five years will not. ”"It was this action that provoked the eyes of the company."
Chen Xiaozhi: "The whole family is in danger.Later, my dad told me that he never left alone in those six months, and he pushed the entertainment if he could......
Half a year later, a paper was appointed, and Shangfeng wanted to protect him, so the company didn't dare to continue to stretch out his hand. ”Shen Dayye's hands were almost trembling: "Oh my God......"
That incident is really extremely dangerous, Shen Dayye only heard about it, but he didn't expect that Chen Xiaozhi, who seemed to be out of the way, was actually in the whirlpool of more than ten years ago."
When I was a child, I couldn't figure it out, my dad was not a good person, such a fine cadre, everyone was unlucky, he wouldn't, maybe he was behind everyone's bad luck......
How could we put our whole family in such a dangerous situation?
My dad is still that kind of ......
A character who loves life. ”"He likes to play StarCraft with me, he is happy for three dollars and a bowl of tofu brain, and he doesn't even have a temper at home, and he is scolded by my mother.""
He said it very lightly," Chen Xiaozhi said: "Shen Dayye: "......"
"It's strange, isn't it," Chen Xiaozhi said with a smile: "My father's official position is not low, an official, he has material desires, power desires, and loves his family......
How can you pay so much for an old man you don't know and who has fallen to the bottom?
”Shen Dayye opened his mouth.Chen Xiaozhi: "So I asked him why." ”Shen Dayye suddenly grasped a clue in this trivial narrative and asked, "......
What did he say?
”"He asked me, what do you think power means?"
Shen Dayye let out a long sigh of trembling.Chen Xiaozhi drove the car and said casually: "-I have no interest in power, but I still reluctantly answered him."
I said that power means domination, it means that thousands of people are asking for you, it means money and people's envious gaze, and you will be shocked when you sneeze, and you will become a symbol.He laughed and said, "You're right."
Chen Xiaozhi said calmly: "But you have neglected the most important point. ”Shen Dayye: "What?
”"The old man said," Chen Xiao said: "Having power in your hands means that you have the power to do the right way." ”Shen Dayye's heart was shocked."
It's not difficult to do the right way, but the hard thing is to do the right way," Chen Xiaozhi recounted, "but what is even more difficult is that you can use the right way to change society."
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Xiaozhi, you see the flattery that power brings us, and you see that someone has asked for Dad, but this is just a shadow behind power.The world saw only the shadow. ”“…… Power itself is much brighter than its shadow. ”Shen Dayye suddenly understood why Chen Xiaozhi would become such a person."
When we were children, each of us built an ideal world in our hearts, where hard work is rewarded, good is rewarded, and the wicked are eventually brought to justice - and when we grow up, we will find that it is shit, and there are bastards everywhere.But the power that the world associates with darkness and money is actually the purest thing, a projection of the ideal hometown of childhood, and the only key to the ideal hometown. ”-- Power is the force that can change society.It is the force that slowly pushes our imperfect China forward. ”Shen Dayye's heart shook violently."
My dad has a very ...... idea" Chen Xiaozhi smiled: "He has a kind of ......
Born as an intellectual, he believes that people should be born, grow up, die, sing and cry, and be loyal to the earth under their feet.Our country has been weak for a hundred years, and now it seems to be strong, but in fact it is still controlled by others everywhere......
Therefore, 'academic achievements must return to China, and this is what intellectuals do.' ’”"No matter how small an individual is, he is also a member of our vast community with a shared future.Since he was a child, a person should have the sound of wind and rain, the sound of reading, and care about family affairs, state affairs, and everything in the world -- the so-called scholars must have this kind of integrity, which is the backbone, backbone, and heart of our Chinese literati, and it is the immortal temperament of sour scholars for thousands of years -- my grandfather said this to me."
My old man is like a bamboo stalk, and I have admired him since I was a child."
Chen Xiaozhi said embarrassedly: "My dad is ......
Soft lying on the ground, I don't look out of tune at a glance, and there is no shadow of my grandfather. ”Then he said: "But I didn't expect that when my father sent me abroad ten years ago, he told me my grandfather's original words word for word." ”"......"
"They just raised me to be like that."
Chen Xiaozhi said."
So no matter how successful I am here, I will go back."
Shen Dayye was suddenly a little embarrassed, and the roots of his ears were red: "......
Huh?
”Chen Xiaozhi tilted his head and said, "To be honest, did you think I was playing with your feelings that day?"
”Shen Dayye's face turned red instantly, "I'......
I didn't say a word, how could you think that?
”Chen Xiaozhi drove the car and said: "What other reason can there be, I was good when I attended the meeting, but in the middle of the banquet, I suddenly stole my car and fled thousands of miles away......
I think this is the only opportunity to break my head, okay?
――Shen Dayye, did you listen to my conversation with the principal and think that I would stay at Stanford and not leave?
Shen Dayye was poked in his heart, lay into the soft pillow, and snorted.Chen Xiaozhi mocked: "Acquiescence?
”Then he laughed.The adult man's laughter was low, but even the dumbest person could hear it as a relieved laugh.Shen Dayye's face flushed, and he said shamefully, "......
I—How do I know?
”"Something to ask me."
Chen Xiaozhi reprimanded: "It's not difficult to scold me, right?"
I always think about it. ”The girl knew that she was wrong, so she curled up in the quilt and ignored him in anger.As the RV drove along the long road of Arizona, the raindrops fell into the ground, and the possibilities stretched out in front of them.Then, in the silence, the man said flatly: "You will know later that in every word I have ever said to you, every promise ......" will be fulfilled. ”-The sky and the earth were foggy, the earth was soaked in rain, and the snow was blowing one after another.The RV broke through the snow on the black ground and sped east.Shen Tianye had never spent such a long time on the road in his life, it was an endless journey, spanning the entire continent, like a cruel and warm dream, and like waiting for the eaves to clear after the rain.Chen Xiaozhi is responsible for driving; Sometimes Shen Dayye went to replace him for a while, replaced him, and let him go to sleep.But most of the time, Chen Xiaozhi didn't want to put his life in her hands, and he had to sleep with Xiao Qingmei - he was still a little clingy when he slept, and he always hugged Shen Dayye and didn't let go, so the two of them touched their necks together, and the man was obsessed with burying his cheeks in the girl's neck.Shen Dayye was very comfortable touching him, and his eyes narrowed softened, like a little white cat that was brushed by his hair.“…… It's just," Shen Dayye was so comfortable that he didn't know who he was, and gave him an order indiscriminately: "Make me scrambled eggs with tomatoes at night." ”Professor Chen opened one eye and replied vaguely, "Okay." ”Snow was flying outside the window, and in the dim skylight, Chen Xiaozhi was half-asleep and half-awake clasping her waist.“…… Is the Grand Canyon far away?
”Chen Xiaozhi replied unclearly: "It's not far, it's going to be there tomorrow afternoon." ”The girl yawned: "You go......
Paste, have you ever played it?
”“…… I've been," Chen Xiaozhi replied obediently: "I went to my sophomore year, summer vacation."
The sky was blue. ”“…… Don't take me. ”The girl said nonsense, her voice was silly.Chen Xiaozhi was silent for a long time and said, "......
I want to take you too. ”There was a sad silence between the two of them.The RV was blown to shake slightly, tumbleweed rattled outside the window, the desert sky was low, and the night was blooming and drooping low like tuberose.“…… It's just that my dad used to like you very much. ”Shen Dayye said suddenly.Professor Chan didn't answer, he was already asleep."
I've been remembering a lot of things I've forgotten lately."
Shen Dayye said in a monologue: "For example, many years ago, you were choked by my father, and he made you bad, and you were made to squat by the wall......
You should remember it better than I do, because you have a much better memory than I do. ”The adult man slept beside her, uncomfortably hugging her into his arms.“…… Do you know what he calls you?
”Shen Dayye's voice was almost undetectable, almost as if he was afraid of waking him up."
He called you, the bastard boy who made my daughter cry.""
The day we left Beijing, you were crying and chasing after the taxi," Shen Tianye whispered to a sleeping man: "I saw you crying, and I cried too, and I couldn't coax you until I came home......
When I woke up, I burst into tears, and it took a lot of effort for my mom to coax me to stop crying. ”"My dad said it was so rare to have such a friendship when I was a child, let me write to you, and he sent it back to me."
Chen Xiaozhi breathed deeply.Shen Dayye let out a long breath: "......
I didn't move a word. ”As the long night fell, Chen Xiaozhi's eyelashes pressed against her neck, trembling slightly."
I thought at the time, you have so many friends, you don't miss me," said the girl, whose voice was as small as the sound of falling snow, and looked at her weak fingers, "maybe she forgot about me a long time ago......
And when I was in Beijing, you always laughed at me for not being able to write, saying that I was an illiterate American......
Now that I think about it, I think it's a little tantrum. ”"Then I was sick for a long time.I can't remember your name anymore, but I remember when I was a kid who loved me very much, a boy with a very bad temper - but he was the best man in the world, and I never forgot him. ”"I seem to have told you this."
Shen Dayye laughed and struggled upward.Chen Xiaozhi's strong arms hugged her tightly.Snow falls in the middle of the Gobi Desert and is quiet.The girl turned on the night light and read into the light.- Chen Xiaozhi made scrambled eggs with tomatoes that night, the conditions on the RV were limited, and he also fried a thick egg in a pan - Shen Tianye was used to eating the rice he brought, but those meals were all packed in a lunch box, and if he really lived with him, he would find that Chen Xiaozhi's turtle hair was reflected in all aspects.Shen Dayye looked left and right at the pan cake in the RV, dumbfounded: "......
Do you still plate with mint leaves?
”Chen Xiaozhi was shoveling the croquettes out, and said in a daze: "?
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So what's not?
”Shen Dayye was stunned: "And croquettes?"
”Professor Chen nodded rigorously, stacked croquettes and teriyaki chicken nuggets into petals, scooped a plate of Thousand Island sauce, garnished it with mustard powder, and said, "The conditions are limited, so I can make do with it." ”Shen Daye: Can you have such a hearty and exquisite meal by cooking your own ............, Shen Dayye was fooled by his parents since he was a child, and his sense of unreality reached its peak at this time - Shen's mother's cooking is a disaster movie, and after returning to China, Shen Dayye eats school food much more often than at home; And her dad is only slightly better than her mom, and his skills are slightly better than that of the canteen pot master.Chen Xiaozhi unbuttoned his apron and said, "Only two frying pans can be used, and I didn't buy meat......
I'll do it for you again when I go back. ”Shen Dayye: "......
Isn't that serious?
”Professor Chen was not interested: "This is called a fart serious.You can just make do with it. ”Shen Dayye almost couldn't believe what he saw: "You are the legendary housekeeping EX......"
Chen Xiaozhi: "?
What EX is not EX?
What is that" Shen Dayye thought to himself, you don't understand this stalk, how deep the generation gap should be in our future......
Then poke the croquette with a fork.The hot steam of mashed potatoes under the golden and soft skin makes the pancake smell good.This guy is virtuous to a certain extent, and it seems that he should have deceived many little girls.Shen Tianye forked a piece of cake with a little difficulty.The past is gone, so you don't have to dwell on that past.- Late at night, there is silence, only the winter rain falls in the night.Chen Xiaozhi made a cup of coffee and yawned to deal with the E-mail in the mailbox, while Shen Dayye sat by the car window and looked out the drizzle in a daze."
What do you think?"
Chen Xiaozhi said suddenly, draping the thin blanket over the girl's shoulders.Shen Dayye tugged on the blanket and replied blankly, "I'm ......
Think, my dad. ”Then she took a deep breath and said, "I never had time to say goodbye to him." ”Chen Xiaozhi was slightly stunned.Shen Dayye said: "......
The death of a loved one is a miraculous thing. ”"It's never going to be a thing of the past.It's always in the present perfect tense - just, do you remember what the teacher said?
The present perfect tense, which happened in the past, has an impact on the present, and may continue to do so always, forever. ”Chen Xiaozhi's breathing was gentle, and he gently clenched her thin shoulders.Shen Dayye said dumbfoundedly: "......
I know he's gone.He also knows that people cannot be resurrected after death.But I waited all the time for him to push the bedroom door, pull me out to play ball, and send me to swim......
Chat with me, or quarrel with me; When I turned my head and realized that it was not him who was a gust of wind, I felt the word 'death'.Only then did I know that he would never come back. ”Chen Xiaozhi was silent, and his slender fingers ran through the girl's long hair."
--Only, tens of thousands of years, hundreds of millions of years, where do you think those who died will be now?"
She asked.Chen Xiaozhi thought for a while and said rigorously: "I am an atheist. ”"I used to be too."
Chen Xiao was stunned: "Once?
”Outside the window, the rain was pouring like a south wind through the flowers at the beginning of spring.Shen Dayye's gaze fell on the window a little, she seemed to be looking there, but she didn't look.After a long time, she nodded."
I think there's something bigger in the world."
Shen Dayye said: "Grander ......
Greater, more immortal......
Stuff. ”Chen Xiaozhi's brows furrowed, he didn't understand at first glance, and seemed to ask a question.Shen Dayye was desperate for his language ability, and hurriedly said, "What I mean is that a person's strong will is the god of this world. ”Chen Xiaozhi: "......"
"I have a teacher who once said in class," Shen Daye said: "Atheists also believe in the afterlife, they die, but the deep obsession will be rooted in the next generation, and so on, endlessly, inheritance is their next life, and will is their god." ”"I believe that man's strong will can transcend life and death, and transcend all impossibilities, so I am no longer an atheist."
Chen Xiaozhi seemed to be moved, and was silent for a long time, but still insisted: "Your point of view is idealism and existentialism, which is contrary to the scientific spirit of materialism and dialectic. ”The girl's eyebrows curled softly."
You don't have faith, why are you suddenly idealistic?"
Chen Xiaozhi asked puzzledly: "You obviously don't have any theoretical support, nor do you have any facts as a basis. ”Shen Dayye looked at him with a smile.Outside the window, through the rain and wind, and the roar of the Gobi through the ages.Then she said, "I have." ”Chen Xiaozhi: "?
”"You should have been curious," Shen Dayye's gaze fell on him, "How could I become such a person?"
”Chen Xiaozhi said: "......
Somewhat. ”Shen Dayye: "I also feel that I'm a little unnatural, as if I'm hiding something." ”Chen Xiaozhi thought for a long time, and finally nodded with difficulty.Shen Dayye laughed: "I'm too bad at lying......
But I do sometimes feel like you know myself better than I do.If I had your insight, maybe I would have been able to live a lot easier. ”Chen Xiaozhi couldn't help but smile: "Fool." ”Shen Dayye: "You're a fool - but I really can't get along with people, I can't see through other people's purposes, when I was a child, my parents were on the side to protect me, and later I had you and Teacher Ci......
But when you're gone, I'm left to my devices, and sometimes I can't even find myself. ”Chen Xiaozhi stretched out his palm, with sourness, and gently touched his lover's hair.The girl grabbed his wrist and said with a smile: "When I came, that is, when I came to CSC, I actually forgot what kind of person I used to be.The endless chores, doubts, and worries grinded me into a completely different shape—resigned to it, not knowing if I had a chance to break free, not believing in myself, and being stuck in the mire. ”"......"
"It was in that quagmire that I received my first letter."
Chen Xiaozhi: "......
Letter?
”"At first I thought it was a prank."
Shen Dayye looked at his finger and said, "I haven't seen through the intentions of these letters for a long time in the future.But now that I look back, I realize that those letters were sent to save me. ”Chen Xiaozhi immediately said sharply like a cat whose tail had been trampled on: "Save you?"
Who?
”Shen Dayye suddenly felt funny, and sold a pass: "Someone you know." ”"Wei Lai?
Xu Zihao?
No, it can't be him; Wei Lai must have something to say to you face to face-" Then Chen Xiaozhi's hand clicked: "-Liang Le?"
”Shen Dayye was taken aback: "Why did you say that Senior Liang looked like he was going to beat him?"
”Chen Xiaozhi said angrily: "You want to care?
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”Then he said angrily: "Who the hell is it?!"
- No, who the are there?
”Even Shen Dayye could hear the meaning of his jealousy, and couldn't help laughing, Chen Xiaozhi's ears were red, but he still didn't admit defeat and stared at her angrily.She suddenly felt that Chen Xiaozhi was very cute, he was an invulnerable man, powerful and intelligent, and with a strong purpose, no one dared to hurt him in the slightest—but he was full of soft weaknesses, like a river mussel; He was duplicitous, duplicitous, clumsy, silent, and it was just that his fingers were extraordinarily real and warm."
-Me."
Shen Dayye took his fingers and looked at him warmly.She repeated: "It was me who wrote to me ten years ago. ”