Su: Dear Qi, I haven't been in touch for a long time, how are you doing over thereSu: Dear Qi, the weather is getting colder and colder, are you so cold over there that remember to wear more clothes and don't blow the wind outside.Su: Dear Qi, I've been very busy lately, and I haven't been able to get through to QQ on QQ.Su: Dear Qi, can you reply to me when you see the message, I'm worried about youSu: Dear Qi, I miss you.Silently put away my phone, I never had the courage to reply to the message, what to say, I always felt that my relationship with him was becoming more and more delicate, especially the ambiguous words of "dear", I was always afraid of the development of things.It's like a wife who has a secret lover outside, and while she is intoxicated by her lover's sweet words, she is afraid of the revelation and unbearable of things.The phrase "dear" that once made me steal and enjoy fun has now become a conspicuous thorn, which makes me always feel faintly painful in the middle of the night.When did Su start to have an ambiguous relationship with me, it seems that it was that joking sentence that led to the current half-embarrassing and half-shameful situation.I vaguely remember that it was one afternoon, when it was already popular in the circle of friends to bring a "kiss" in front of the words, but the arrogant me sneered, disdainful of this intimate meaning but was distorted by me into another meaning.Like a ruler, I ordered him to never speak to me with the vulgar and flattering word "kiss," which at the time only my brain twisted to think was ironic.I guessed that Su would not agree to my unreasonable request, or even find other things to prevaricate or change the subject, but he was very happy to comply.When I sat in front of the computer in a daze because of his refreshing answer, I seemed to see him on the other side of the screen laughing softly, calm as water, tapping the keyboard warmly, making a nice snapping sound.I began to fantasize about the appearance of Su, a gentle man like him, even if he looks average, he must have an elegant atmosphere, and his smile will be shallow and shallow between his eyebrows.He is the same as every gentle person in the world, but he is different from anyone who has walked in the world.Like a slightly shy big boy, but also like a gentle and considerate brother next door, delicate enough to take care of your sister's every emotion.is such a perfect image of the brother next door, which has successfully created his tall image in my heart.I've had a crush on him, but it's not love, it's not love.I clearly understand that even though I was injured by Arlo, I was bruised and bruised all over my body, as long as he didn't drive me away, I wouldn't leave, and after I left, his words I thought you and I would be able to turn back immediately.You see, real liking is like this, like it so much that after practicing yourself wantonly, you can still laugh and go to the soup for him.So if I don't bring a kiss, can I say "dear" Dear Qi At that time, I was still holding four rings of ice cream in my hand and eating it, but because of Su's words, I let the ice cream slowly melt in the palm of my hand.The sensation in my palm was cold, and I was sensitive to the tightest string, and I suddenly hugged my laptop and cried.I won't forget that Arlo also used to tease and call me "dear", and his thick eyebrows shook with laugh lines, funny like a clown in a circus.At that time, my youth belonged to me, and my world was full of only him, without a strict mother, a pair of cold dancing shoes and a skirt that tightly bound the waist, and only the shyness and anger that the teenager brought to me at first.He smiled so wickedly, smiling so badly, like a thug lurking in a dark alley, with a pair of big eyes that shone with the shrewdness and audacity of a commander.Although I knew that Su was not Arlo, in that gray world filled with gunsmoke, I was so selfish that I regarded Sue as Arlo, and firmly believed that Arlo was always by my side.I remember that at that time, I couldn't stand the bitterness and irritability of my crush anymore, and I was a little happy to deceive him who didn't know about him, and replied to him jokingly, yes, then shouldn't I be courteous, and call you dear Su Whenever Su sent a message with the same "dear" as always, I tried to ask me if I was already inviolable, but for the sake of love, I became cautious and extremely worried.I covet to be by Arlo's side, even if we are just false in name only, even if he has never been sincere to me, I am willing to leave behind my self-esteem, and I can no longer enjoy the warmth that has been traced back to me.Maybe it's something called "vanity" that is at work, I love Arlo but I can't abandon the gentle and considerate Su, I'm so obsessed with all the warmth he brings me.When I fell into the memories of retrospection, of course, I would not forget Han Xi, the heartless person, complaining that I had been hospitalized for a few days, and she didn't come to take a look at me.
Su Hanxi, you fucking old lady is still lying on the bed, you have no conscience, and you still want me to help you fight" Not to be outdone, I yelled at Han Xi, and I was also glad that her carefulness made me respected.The people in our circle are always the ones who refuse to bow their heads, no matter how big things happen, they don't want their friends to ask nervously as soon as they come, and sigh with God's blessing that fortunately nothing has happened.For me, although Han Xi usually speaks roughly, does not consider other people's emotions, and calls people to fight when she is unhappy, she is also so delicate and serious to maintain every friendship.I am also truly grateful to Han Hee for being able to think of me in that chaotic circle when I was in the shadow of suicide and tired of my mother doing the chattering ideological work, and then she was able to think of me in that chaotic circle, and then fight with me with foul words as before.I was afraid of such a lonely and powerful Han Xi, but after entering her circle, I began to stand beside her confidently, regardless of the previous awe and timidity, I only cared about the heroism of walking without heart and lungs that could laugh at this time.Around us, everyone is different, and everyone is using a unique way to bring all the warmth that can be paid by the people around us.Dear Han Xi, I heard that you especially like cats, so I think we can raise a cat appropriately, and then bask in the warm winter sun."
Hey Lin Qi, here" I looked for a familiar figure in a little panic, wrapped tightly in a beige coat, and finally found Han Xi and them under a Christmas tree.Facing the slightly cold night wind, I excitedly stepped on my snow boots and ran towards them, and my face was slowly covered with a touch of heat from running.If there are people to cherish around you, then everything that is trivial can leave a heavy stroke on the notebook with the green cover of youth."
Tsk, Lin Qi, you're dressed up today but you're charming, and I'll honestly explain if it's a pretense to borrow it to play, and you want to play with a little white face" As soon as he saw me coming, Beixi waved that amorous evil smile, looking at me from top to bottom with an inexplicable meaning.I've long been accustomed to his ridicule, and I'm not annoyed, so I joked happily along with his words: "Eh, you've found out, I really want to set you up to challenge the underground love fan" His smile suddenly stiffened on his lips, and after secretly glancing at Han Xi, he said curtly: "No, no, I'm a married man now, I can't carry a scumbag image with a split leg, then I can't be beaten to death by my own genuine girlfriend, it's okay if I die, I'm afraid of wronging my girlfriend." ”I suspiciously shifted my gaze from Gu Beixi to Han Xi, but she chuckled on the side like she did from the beginning, and she couldn't see the slightest clue.It wasn't until Xu Xian on the side hooked the corners of his mouth, and when he and his uncle Xu Yi held back a smile, I finally understood that something was wrong, and wrapped my arms around Han Xi and asked her in a threatening tone: "Tell me honestly what's going on" Han Xi still didn't answer, but I saw that Beixi's smile became more and more ambiguous, and only then did I suddenly realize it, pointing at the two of them and shouting incredibly: "His grandmother's two of you get together, I have to drink saliva to suppress the shock, I was shocked" Seeing that the parties did not defend themselves, no matter how stupid I am, I know that this is true, After being stunned for a while, the gossip factor asked Han Xi everywhere: "How long has it been?"
and "Well, Christmas a few days ago." ”Beixi shrugged his shoulders indifferently, and swept at me with an idiot's gaze, and he was really too weak to do it I said indignantly that I was angry, but Han Xi chuckled quietly and changed the topic: "Anyway, Xiaoguang is too slow, and she hasn't come yet, uncle, you won't pick her up, what if she gets lost" Beixi took Han Xi back from my hand with one hand, hugged her waist and kneaded her face dotingly, and smiled at her: "You think Xiaoguang is your idiot, she knows better than you." ”We all tacitly laughed around the two of them, and after waiting for a while, we gathered and marched towards the playground on New Year's Eve according to the first agreement.But there is no Arlo and Xiang Qingtian.Since Xiang Qingtian broke off his friendship with Han Xi, our group of people has never gathered together to make a fuss.In the playground, after accompanying Xiaoguang's younger sister to play all the attractions she wanted to play, we simply had some supper, and finally planned to finish the last trip of the year and go to ride the romantic and beautiful Ferris wheel.Not surprisingly, Han Xi and Beixi were together, the uncle was with Xiaoguang's sister, and I was with Xu Xian.When I got to the Ferris wheel, I looked at the scenery outside and was shocked.Especially when I rise in mid-air, I look at the city where I was born and raised, and I sigh that this year will pass again, and I wonder what kind of emotions I will face when I grow up and see this city again in ten years."
Lin Qi, what kind of person do you think Su Han is" Xu Xian, who was sitting opposite me, spoke slowly, his eyes were soft and he couldn't see a trace of emotion.I opened my mouth, finally closed my lips and chose to be silent."
Lin Qi, you are one of Su Han's followers, and there are very few people who can laugh with her after seeing her cowardice."
Xu Xian gently took a sip of the original bubble tea, and continued, "She is very timid, and she also cries hysterically like ordinary people and shouts not to leave. ”"Xu Xian, then what about you, in what capacity did you enter Su Han's "love rival." ”Touching my surprise, Xu Xian gently pulled out a light smile, and there was some helplessness in his eyes, "We fell in love with a boy, and the boy chose Han Xi to give up on me, and in the summer vacation of his third year of high school, he died." ”I was so shocked that I almost stood up, and I heard my own voice ask her very softly, trembling and unbearable, but desperate to know."
How did you die," I said."
Heart disease, great compassion leads to ineffective rescue."
I heard something shattered for a moment, and it seemed to sound in my ears an imaginary cry, and her crying and sadness that year also floated to me.Xu Xian grabbed the milk tea hard until she was caught deformed, and she suppressed it for a long time before continuing with red eyes: "That boy is my cousin, and I also know Su Han because of my cousin.At that time, we didn't know each other, and I only remember the first time I met Su Han, the feeling of déjà vu was indescribable."
So, Lin Qi, she is such a person who can cry to the point of heartbreak, dare to love and hate, I want to see her happy more than anyone else."
In that dark night, the Ferris wheel was still slowly rising, and the night sky was occasionally shining with a few bright stars, which was particularly beautiful in the blink of an eye.And I began to panic as if I knew what the top-secret file looked like, on the moonlight and without ripples.Then we got off the Ferris wheel one by one, shivering in the cold wind and counting down the time, and then shouted at the moment of New Year's Eve: "Happy New Year" Well, Happy New Year, don't come harmless
.
: