On the way to the hospital, my feet were bleeding all the time, Di Jinyou was driving like crazy, my mother was sitting in the passenger seat and talking to me all the time, I didn't listen to a word, I fell into my own world, constantly tormented by the way Miller spoke.How could the man who was so warm in his memory do this to me every word he said to me before, I actually remembered, I thought I didn't remember, but when it really quieted down, every sentence, every sentence, I remembered it so clearly, I could even remember his smile, the way the corners of his mouth turned up, and the scenery behind him, the warmth of the sun above his head.Every spring, summer, autumn and winter, although our relationship has always been very special, it has never been broken.Being interrupted like this, I can't find an exit, I can't get a reason, and I'm not willing to die.I can't figure out why he wants to do this to me, there must be something hidden, but since I decided to choose to be together, what things can't be faced together, I choose to believe him, no matter birth, old age, sickness and death, I am willing to share it with him, so for him, no matter what the reason, why don't you want to share it with me I looked at the wound on my foot, the blood has not coagulated, just drop by drop, the last warmth in my heart has been drained.When I was waiting for the red light, I opened the car door, and after getting out of the car, I ran wildly in the direction of the venue, and the car parked behind me honked its horn to warn me, it was the first time I grew up to be crazy like this, and I was dragged by Di Jinyou after a few steps."
Pan Tao, calm down."
Di Jinyou and I were tearing in the middle of the road, I just wanted to go back, go back and ask Miller again, if he had any trouble, what happened, I shouldn't just believe what he said, said the last words, if he really suffered, wouldn't it cut off the back road between the two of us by saying that" You take me back, you let me ask him again. ”I pushed him as calmly as I could, tears flowed into my mouth, and I had to curl up on the soles of my feet, Di Jinyou ignored me, picked me up, and stuffed me back into the car.Because of me, there was a traffic jam, and when I wanted to get out of the car again, my mother slapped me hard."
Isn't it a shame" My mother cried, crying very sadly, and she regretted hitting me, holding me in her arms, and kept saying sorry.When I divorced Tang Ming, she also said sorry to me once, but in fact, she never felt sorry for me at all, it was my bad life.One or two forsook me."
Mom, I'm so uncomfortable" I couldn't help it anymore, all the grievances in my heart, sour, I couldn't stop crying.I can only say that it is uncomfortable, I can't even clearly say what is uncomfortable, this kind of mental force is driving me crazy, and I finally understand why a person can do all kinds of crazy actions when he loves someone.I fell in love with Miller, but he chose to leave me.The knife didn't just pierce my heart, but the one that pierced me was so sharp that I was caught off guard and killed with one stab.The doctor took out the glass shards on the soles of my feet with tweezers, and then stitched the needles, I numbly watched him keep dipping the gauze in the blood, and a lot of it had been thrown in the tray, I used to be so afraid of blood, but this time I looked at it like this, I was not afraid, I was even thinking, just flow like this, the flow will be clean.Di Jinyou stood by my side all the time, but he didn't say anything, until the doctor said that I was going to go to the ground, and he carried me out of the consultation room despite my objections.It was the first time I saw him with such a serious expression, and the atmosphere around him was cold, but for some reason, I couldn't say how calm it was."
If you are sad, you can vent it, it's not good to hold it like this."
He put me back in the car and said something like this.I couldn't speak, and if the heart was sentient, it hurt and beat when Miller said those words.Now that it's probably dead, it doesn't even have the heart to resist.I went back to my mother's house and sat on my bed, motionless, and if I could sit like this until I was old, then I would sit down like this.I forgot the time, I forgot the day and night, my mother went in and out many times, bringing me food.Deliver water, talk to me, comfort me, persuade me, I know everything.But I didn't want to move, I didn't eat or drink, I just wanted to sit like this, wait, maybe, maybe Miller would come to me, tell me the truth, tell me what he was going through.If he comes, I will forgive him.As long as he comes, talk to me something.The reality is always cruel, and the wounds that bleed from my internal organs did not wait for the explanation and comfort that they deserved, and then they slowly festered, and I hid them in the corner, continuing to bleed and die.I remember very well that after divorcing Tang Ming, I was discouraged by my failures and low self-esteem, but this time, I fell into a very strange state, I had no resentment, no self-doubt, no negative emotions, I just didn't want to do anything, I just wanted to lie quietly all the time, hiding in my own world.It's just that even on a sunny day, I still feel so cold around me.One of the things I do most often is stand by the window with a Nepali shawl, and every time I see the red sports car downstairs, the man sitting on it, his co-pilot with the chicken soup still warm, he looks up at me countless times, waves and smiles at me, I wave and smile at him, but he never comes up.That album of Li Ronghao, I heard that it could no longer play sound, it was broken, but no one ejected it from the car and gave it to me, telling me that this album has better sound quality.I started hallucinating, and even though I knew in my heart that it was a hallucination, I would rather live in it.My mom begged me to eat.I knew it wasn't right, but my throat was like eighteen layers of hell, the size of a needle, and I couldn't eat anything, and then I vomited incessantly, and even drinking water made my stomach protest violently.I was still sick, Di Jinyou called me a lot, and I watched the phone screen light up, go off, and light up again.It's not the name I want to see the most.In the end, my mom answered the phone and called him to come to my house and take me to the hospital, the doctor said that I couldn't get a drip and was dehydrated, the nurse helped me prick the needle, change the fluid, no matter where I was lying, it was the same for me, there was no day or night, I couldn't sleep, looking at the alternation of day and night, I was always afraid that if I fell asleep, Miller came, I missed it.I know that you are going to blame me, why do you think I don t care for myself like this, and I finally figured out one thing, why did Tian Tian commit suicide for Zhou Ning, my current state is similar to her.Standing on the edge of a cliff, as long as I think about it, maybe I really don't want to stay in this world.It turns out that the power of despair is so powerful.Living on the nutrient solution, I can see my wrists turn skinny, and when I care about the date, it has been a full hundred days since I got engaged.It's been a hundred days, and I can recover from my injuries, but I.It's still like this, neither dead nor alive.I removed the needle and went into the sunlight again with a dizziness.I went to Miller's company, I wanted to see him, I wanted to see him again, and now it doesn't matter if he explains it to me or not, just look at him again, and maybe I can get out of this world that has become a dream.The door of his company was open, but the listing was changed, as if the company that used to exist here was all my imagination."
Miss, is your surname Pan" When I was about to leave, the front desk stopped me, I looked back at her, she said to me: "The property said before, if there is a young lady surnamed Pan, let you go find them." ”It was only when I ran that I realized that I could still manipulate my body.It's not the walking dead yet.The manager of the property asked for my identity and gave me a brown paper bag.I hate the brown paper bag so much, it is like a flood beast in it to me, every time, every time I open it, there is a feeling of no return.I left with my bag in my grip and opened it outside the property door with the car keys inside.I went to the underground parking lot, and Miller's new car was still parked in place, with a thin layer of dust falling.I unlocked, locked, unlocked, locked, and it sounded like Miller's Jaguar, only this time, I couldn't enjoy it anymore.I didn't drive it away.When I got home, as soon as I walked in the door, my mom was frightened by me who was supposed to be in the hospital, and before she could say anything, I heard my name called, and it would be nice if it was Miller.It's just that this voice belongs to Tang Ming.He was sitting on my couch and I looked back at him, and he stood up and smiled at me.This smile is infinitely magnified in front of my eyes, I don't know who gave him confidence, and I don't know what is supporting his heart, he is actually laughing at why he laughed at me I saw the fruit knife on the table sideways, walked over and picked it up and walked towards him."
Peaches, what are you doing" My dad and my mom were frightened, the sound of them shouting was no longer the point for me, I raised my hand and continued to walk towards Tang Ming, he retreated in shock and fell on the sofa, I couldn't hear what he exclaimed, I only saw him curl up like an embarrassed coyote to avoid me, and opened the door and fled.I threw the knife, sat on the couch, ate a piece of fruit that my mom had cut, and still didn't want to talk."
Momoko, what's wrong with you, how can you" My mother picked up the knife on the ground as she spoke, her eyes were full of incredulity, I knew I scared her, although my daughter had a stubborn temper, it was the first time that she attacked someone else with a knife."
Don't talk about her, let her be quiet."
My dad dragged her into the house.I finished eating a whole pot of fruit and didn't keep throwing up.I went to the bathroom to take a shower, only to find that I was really thin, my ribs were obvious, and it was more purely morbid than a curve in my body.How to draw makeup, put on lipstick, change clothes.I don't remember much about how I got out of the door, how I went, it was as if there was another soul manipulating me, and life had been forgotten except for instinct.I sat on the edge of the bar in an unknown and strange bar, feeling the crowd behind me dancing wildly, and the two people around me almost knocked me out of my chair with a frantic kiss.The empty glasses of the Bloody Mary were arranged in a row in front of me, the heat of the alcohol was destroying the cells in my stomach, I was dizzy but still sober, I felt like I could no longer tell right from wrong, it was right or wrong, I had no idea.Becoming a drunkard after a love injury must have seemed funny to me before, but I joined the ranks of drunks without any scruples.In a thought.Heaven and hell.In a trance, I remembered that there was still wine in the glass that I hadn't finished drinking, and when I looked up, I found that the empty glass was gone.The cup I was holding was empty, and I was about to continue drinking when someone put my arm around me."
Miss, it's going to be uncomfortable if you drink like this.It's been a long time since I've heard such a word of concern, whether it's true or not, I look at him, my eyes can't focus, I can only be sure that he is a man, smiling at me, still caring about me.I wanted to laugh, but he asked me why I was crying.I couldn't see his face clearly, he kept moving closer to me, and I could feel the taste of alcohol in his mouth, when he suddenly stumbled and fell to the ground.Someone hit him.It's confusing."
One more drink."
I ignored the chaos and spoke to the bartender in front of me, who was also the one who had been in the bar for a long time, and I was in a mess, and he was as calm as I was.He handed me a cup, and I took a sip and almost threw up.It's not wine, it's orange juice."
If you're like this, I won't pay."
I pushed the cup away, and he reached out and caught it and said, "Miss, that man fights for you."
You don't care, you're going to die. ”I looked sideways, and a man in black pressed another man to the ground and punched him down, and no one around dared to stop him, so he watched in a circle.The man on the ground kept humming, probably begging for mercy, I couldn't hear clearly, and I didn't want to hear clearly.They are all people who can't protect themselves.I stumbled out of my chair and found the direction of the bar door, and despite its mischievous scurrying around, I managed to walk towards it.I was picked up again, and the people in this bar were crazy, but I didn't want to go crazy with them."
You let me down, don't touch me, I'll be beaten if I touch me."
I patted him on the back and he took me out the door.I was still very afraid of the cold, and when the wind blew outside, I tightened the collar of my clothes, and the smell of alcohol came up in an instant, and I threw myself under the tree on the side of the road and vomited, tears flowing.It's not unrewarding, drinking so much wine, at least I can finally shed tears smoothly, God knows how much I hate the way I feel numb and feelingless.The guy who took me out of the bar was standing next to me all the time, and when I couldn't spit out anything, he gave me a tissue, and I said thank you, and he squatted down and looked at me, and I looked back, and it was Di Jinyou.It seems that I didn't drink much, and I could still recognize him at a glance.He had blood on the side of his face and his collar half open, and he always liked to dress like this
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