Chapter 80 -- It's better to go back.Outside, it was stormy and cloudy, and under the dark sky, the sea roared in the wind.Shen Dayye was on the way back to the hotel after leaving the airport and taking a taxi, and after thinking about it carefully, he didn't seem to have anything special to play.The Southeast Asian uncle who drove the taxi glanced back and asked strangely, "Girl, are you here for a tour?"
”Shen Dayye looked at the coastline where the storm roared, nodded, and shook his head again."
It's going to be a typhoon," said the uncle, "and be careful." ”Shen Dayye was stunned for a moment and asked, "......
What's wrong?
”"We have a lot of typhoons in this place."
The uncle said: "There are a lot of seasons, and there has been a typhoon warning recently, so if you can go back, go back first." ”Shen Dayye sighed, remembering that Indonesia, as a country of thousand islands in Southeast Asia, is indeed quite dangerous.She rolled down the window a little, and the wind immediately poured in like a sea, and her curly hair was blown messy.Shen Dayye sighed slightly, like a wooden man, and looked at the dark and turbulent sea with amazement.- There was no one to accompany her in this place, she was really lonely.The taxi stopped at the door of the resort hotel, and Shen Dayye paid the uncle.When she looked up, the end of the sea was as black as ink, and there was a torrential rain of thunder brewing.Shen Daye: "......"
The taxi driver also looked at the heavy rain at the end, and said in plastic English in a friendly manner: "Be careful, have a good vacation." ”Shen Dayye thanked him and went back to his room.As she walked through the garden, she saw that the pool was empty, and the open-air pool rippled like the rings of an ancient tree, slapping against the blue tiles of Qima.The wind blew and pasted Shen Dayye's curly hair on his face, Shen Dayye was muddled, suffocated the curly hair on his face, and pulled a few sticks out of his mouth......
She looked at the sky, then at the sea, pressed her skirt, and ran into her room as fast as she could.Indonesia's tsunami has even been used in textbooks......
Will there be a tsunami?
Shen Dayye began to panic from the bottom of his heart.The door didn't dare to go out, a hammer on vacation, Shen Dayye was so scared, the whole person was not very good, she went back to her room and lay down on the bed, picked up the iPad on the bed and took a look, and found that Chen Xiaozhi sent her a WeChat.
-In the past few days of the meeting, Shen Dayye has not taken the initiative to find him, Chen Xiaozhi just said "reply to my WeChat" and then there was no follow-up - this is very in line with his image.He was basically too lazy to pay attention to Shen Dayye, didn't want to speak, and disgusted, he asked if the sun came out in the west.Shen Dayye clicked on his message box, and Chen Xiaozhi sent a message, saying, "How was the meeting?"
”Shen Dayye curled up into the quilt and replied, "......
Pretty good. ”She knew that she was an existence that Chen Xiaozhi was quite disgusted now, and she didn't dare to say more to him - but the next second, the screen of her iPad dimmed, and a call came."......"
Shen Dayye only found out that it was a video call after connecting, and it should have been a mistake.Chen Xiaozhi's white hair reflected his ceiling, his voice was quite indifferent, and said: "――iPad typing is not convenient, you can talk to me directly." ”"Okay."
Shen Dayye said.Shen Dayye clicked on the camera on her side, sat up from the bed, and was not too embarrassed to show her face to the camera, so she dropped the iPad, and only her messy head was reflected on the huge screen."
How's the meeting?"
Chen Xiaozhi asked flatly: "......
What about the conditions?
”Shen Dayye thought for a moment, not knowing what he meant by 'conditions', so he only said: "The meeting was very good, and I went to listen to a few very interesting reports." ”Chen Xiaozhi asked, "Who did you listen to?"
”Shen Dayye thought for a while: "......
Kao from Sweden, I have also read the review of his own research group that he posted last year.Then I went to other sessions and listened a little bit. ”Chen Xiaozhi's voice came out of the speaker, and he asked in a straight tone, "What about Professor Bryson, did you listen to it?"
”Shen Tianye said obediently: "Go and listen." ”Chen Xiaozhi got a satisfactory answer, and repeated: "What about the conditions?
”Shen Dayye was stunned: "What conditions?"
”"Condition," his voice came with a hint of impatience, "-- what else can condition mean?"
”Shen Daye: "......"
Shen Dayye thought to himself Chen Xiaozhi, you have been stupid in the United States for ten years, the conditions can not only describe the environment but also negotiate terms, give me the words conditions alone, can I know what you are talking about, could it be that you sent me to this place to make a deal with the Golden Triangle drug lord to negotiate the terms?
Then Chen Xiaozhi, whose language function has deteriorated, was silent for a while, and said, "I asked you how you live and how your food conditions are." ”Shen Dayye was stunned for a moment—is this caring?"
It's okay."
Shen Dayye said timidly: "......
Maybe I'm not used to eating it, it's too sweet here, and it's a little greasy, I don't like coconut flour. ”Chen Xiaozhi said coldly: "Try more." ”Then Chen Xiaozhi probably picked up his mobile phone, probably finally realized that he was on a video call, and said disgustedly: "Comb your hair, I've never seen such a messy chicken nest." ”Shen Dayye looked at the top of his head in hindsight, and found that it was indeed too chaotic, Shen Dayye: "Old ......"
This teacher is too difficult to scream - Shen Dayye paused.Then Shen Dayye opened his eyes, looked out the window where the dark clouds were surging and the waves were crashing on the snow-white sand, plucked up his courage, and called, "Teacher." ”Chen Xiaozhi seemed to be a little useful: "Hmm." ”“…… I want to get my room out of here. ”Shen Dayye whispered, "I don't want to stay here, can I change my ticket......
If I could, I would like to go back the day after tomorrow. ”Chen Xiaozhi didn't speak.Shen Dayye visibly felt the atmosphere stiffen.Then Shen Daye hurriedly added: "The weather here is not very good, it is said that there is a typhoon, and the mobile phone has been stolen, teacher, I want to go back to the research group as soon as possible to help-" Chen Xiaozhi: "......"
Shen Dayye: "......
There's no point in me staying here. ”"Also......
I'm also quite scared, the weather is so bad.And I can't sleep well, I already know the ...... of the bed, "Only when I say it, can I realize how lonely I really am."
It's a real exotic, with a language barrier and a most fragile heart.Shen Dayye was even afraid that he would look at the gray sea one morning, bring nothing, just be alone, go in one direction, and wander.That endless loneliness is soaked in loneliness, nourished by incompetence and failure, and gives birth to a despair that soars to the sky like Jack's pea vine.Shen Dayye just stood here, and he would have the idea of wanting to break free from everything countless times.If you want to step on the next bus, you can do it all - like the wanderers, the breakaways, the outliers in those stories, and disappear in a place where no one can contact them.…… Take the train, then the bus, and the bus will reach the end of the road.She changed to a bicycle at the end of the road, and found a yellow dog or an old donkey to lead her on the rugged mountain road where the bicycle could not move forward, and wandered alone on crutches to a place where only she had trodden.For so many days, Shen Dayye had risen this terrible desire countless times.And she suppressed this thought, and she actually needed to do her best."
It should be possible to change the ticket," Shen Dayye said to Chen Xiaozhi almost pleadingly, "......
In short, I want to go back to the research group and go back a few days as soon as possible......"
Chen Xiaozhi said coldly: "What are you doing when you come back?"
”Shen Dayye: "......"
"What can you do to help me when you come back?"
”Chen Xiaozhi asked sarcastically: "I also gave you a change in the ticket, because you recognize the bed?"
”Shen Dayye: "......
I'm not ...... that way" Shen Dayye was so anxious that he couldn't speak, the corners of his eyes were a little red, and he said weakly: "......
I'm really lonely here......" - I'm really lonely here, and I don't feel safe here.I can't control my own negative emotions myself.I can't help but cry when I think about it these days.My life is a mess.But what Shen Dayye wanted to say was all blocked by Chen Xiaoyi's fluttering words."
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Don't talk about it."
Chen Xiaozhi sneered: "......
I'm too lazy to spend ten minutes listening to you. ”Then Chen Xiaozhi said sarcastically: "-Hang." ”In the next second, Shen Dayye briefly saw his face on the screen.Chen Xiaozhi seemed to be sitting in the office, where he had a long night of silence, thousands of miles away from her.At the moment when Chen Xiaozhi hung up the phone, Shen Dayye saw the coldness on his face again, which she had become accustomed to.Shen Dayye: "......"
Shen Dayye looked at the iPad that returned to the message interface, curled up on the bed in pain, and gasped sadly.Maybe she got used to it, Shen Dayye thought, she didn't even feel particularly painful.The big deal is to stay here for a few more days, control yourself, go out and eat more good food, or simply go on a boat, it's all good.…… Night fell again, Shen Dayye looked at the roaring inky ocean currents outside the balcony, looked at the shrubs that were almost torn to pieces, and the palms were almost blown off.The moment she straightened up, she felt like a walking corpse, alive not like alive, dead like dead.Shen Dayye was determined to find something to do for himself, so he rummaged through the bedside and found his correspondence book.Shen Dayye had a check-up before going to bed last night.- At least before she went to bed last night, the fifteen-year-old had not replied.Then again, this correspondence always gave Shen Dayye a strong sense of purpose, whether it was from its extremely subjective time allocation, or the parts that it would actively blur, it had a very clear, but impossible to speculate purpose, Shen Dayye even wondered very idealistically, whether it would be a person behind it.But after all, it was only conjecture, and there was no evidence to prove it.Shen Dayye rubbed his reddened eyes, held the notebook, and pushed open the glass door of the balcony.Chen Xiaozhi was quite generous when he booked a room - Shen Tianye slept alone in a suite with a hall and a small theater, and outside the balcony was a terrace overlooking the sea, if the weather was clear, it should be a sparkling and blue ocean, suitable for basking in the sun and swimming in the sea.…… Unfortunately, the weather was so bad.Shen Dayye suddenly remembered painfully, even when they were teenagers, Chen Xiaozhiye had never confessed to her.The most love-like sentence he said was on the eve of their finals, the night when Xiao Yuye watched "WALL-E" with him.…… They were in Xiangyang that night.The final of the 2008 national competition was held at a hotel in Xiangyang, Hubei Province, where Shen and Chen lived on the same floor.But the warm air in Shen Dayye's room was broken, the cold wind kept blowing, and the hotel was full of people, so he couldn't adjust the room.Shen Dayye was shivering from the cold, and he couldn't stay in the broken guest room at all, so he knocked on Chen Xiaozhi's door.Chen Xiaozhi had no choice but to let his little girlfriend roll up the quilt and put on his bed.He brought a computer, connected to the hotel's network cable at night, and held the abrasive squeamish ghost in his arms, watching "WALL-E" with her, the silent movie of the robot WALLI who picked up the tatters and fell in love with the robot Eva who was as smooth as jade.The line that appears the most in the whole article is the communication between two little robots: "Watt-force." ”"I-Eva."
The two little robots soar through the vastness of space, and Vali ridiculously holds a fire extinguisher and dances a ballet in the starry sky with Eva, who can travel freely in the universe.Their small, metal, ceramic hands clasp seven fingers.Shen Dayye curled up in the young man's arms at that time, and said to Chen Xiaozhi very seriously: "Zhizhi, we are upside down. ”One of the fifteen-year-olds was stunned: "Huh?
”"We're upside down."
Xiao Yuye rubbed his head in his arms and said seriously, "......
I'm a rag-picking robot chasing Eva, and you're Eva being chased by Vali. ”Chen Xiaozhi pressed the pause, clasped the back of the little girl's head, and kissed her deeply."
Isn't it?"
Shen Dayye kissed back, resolutely not letting Chen Xiaozhi take advantage, and smiled with crooked eyebrows: "......
Chen Xiaozhi, you dare to say it, don't you?
”Shen Dayye thought that Chen Xiaozhi would blush, but the result of that sentence was that Chen Xiaozhi clasped the back of her neck and kissed her like a bite, almost madness."
-Don't touch the porcelain."
The boy snorted hotly in between kisses, and said hoarsely, "......
Shen Dayye, you are Eve. ”…… Eve, Eve.He who has a name, Adam's rib.His bones are bones, and flesh is flesh.They slept together that night, Shen Dayye knew that her bed problem was particularly annoying, but when she rolled up a quilt beside Chen Xiaozhi, she was asleep unconscious, and her dreams were sweet.-- Those shiny pasts that are almost impossible to look back at.…… Twenty-five-year-old Shen Dayye gently turned on the lights on the terrace, and the wind was blowing her hair like grass as night fell.The girl was barefoot, her feet thin and pale, and the paulownia floors were shiny and dark, and her skin was as white as jade.As if she felt at ease in the corner, she quietly came down in the corner and gently unfolded the correspondence book in the wind.There was nothing on the last page of the correspondence book, Shen Dayye sighed, and was about to close the book and go back to the room.Thousands of fireflies appear in the sky, and the lights and points of light are like the candles on the bow of a Nordic ship sailing to Valhalla, and like the lamps of the dead on Obon.Billions of small points of light converged in front of her.Shen Dayye: "......"
She froze.The candle flame converged into a small ball, suspended on the spread out notebook, unaffected by any external force, as if it were a phantom that did not exist in this world.Shen Dayye spread out his hand uncontrollably and stretched out his palm.The ball of light was soft and hot.But the moment it touched Shen Dayye's palm, it collapsed and turned into a folded piece of paper from the Beijing Unified Workbook.Shen Daye: "......"
Shen Dayye stared blankly at the letter in his hand.Is this how all these letters came from?
Or is this the only one like this?
But Shen Dayye didn't have time to think about it—she unfolded the letter, wanting to see what kind of reply she could receive from her painstaking persuasion, the persuasion that persuaded her young self to turn back, and the sprinkling argumentative essay.The piece of paper, with only a short paragraph on it: "I don't want it."
Then she went over and wrote in jerky strokes: "Shen Dayye, I said it directly.…… I'm disappointed in you."
-At that moment, all the blood of Shen Dayye rushed straight to the top of his head.She didn't even have time to pay attention to this supernatural phenomenon, but instead she felt an unspeakable despair and breakdown, and the stone that weighed on her heart turned into a knife that filed her person to shreds.What Shen Dayye is most afraid of now is not the disappointed gaze of those people?
Her father, her teachers, her friends and classmates who had encouraged her along the way, the family members who believed she could do it - and, in the past, herself.Shen Dayye thought to himself in despair, I really let you down - but you still don't want to do what I say.Failure after failure has made me what I am now, which has sharpened all my sharpness and pride, leaving me with nothing, mediocre and fragile.Xiao Yuba, I'm trying to tell you how not to become a terrible adult like me, how not to be bruised.Why does even this disappoint you?
――Can't I even want to have one, a different possibility?
…… I'm even willing to disappear for this.I am willing to let you have a better future, I am willing to let you be glorious, I am willing to let you learn and stand on a high place.For this, I am even willing to be reduced to ashes of the time branch.Shen Dayye's tears of despair swirled in her eyes, she remembered her past life, and Chen Xiaozhi completely erased her beautiful first love......
The blood and dust from her feet as she walked all the way.The blood in Shen Dayye's head was thumping, her eyes were as red as blood, and there were tears of despair - she almost picked up the pen and was about to dismiss it.She didn't even notice when the pen and paper in her hand appeared.What do you know, Shen Dayye only felt that the other self in his mind was hoarse, and roared in pain: What do you know, you haven't experienced my past life, why did you say the word disappointed to me?
Wind and rain are blowing, and the wind is blowing the world.Shen Dayye sat in the corner of the balcony of the suite, and tore the inferior letter paper that appeared out of thin air and was as thin as a cicada's wing, printed with Peking University, and put it on the notebook.Her eyes were filled with tears.Shen Dayye held an old hero's dark gold tip, pressed it the paper, and the pen slid out, sliding out of dark blue carbon ink.At that moment, the light like a supernova explosion burst out from the junction between the tip of the pen and the paper, and the dark blue ink.Where Shen Dayye stroked, hundreds of billions of meteors shot out.She froze—the meteors swept over her, revolving around her like stars, as brilliant as flowers.The next moment, Shen Dayye felt a terrifying, weightless feeling.Shen Dayye couldn't even scream, so he fell straight towards the unknown place, disappearing without a trace in the objective world.…… The dazzling glow of meteors bursting out of the paper swirled around the place where Shen Dayleaf had disappeared, bursting like soap bubbles, and dotted and burning ashes fell on the empty ground.The comm floating in the air fell to the ground with a thud.It was like a scene in a dream, and it disappeared without a trace in the blink of an eye.The dark storm swept the coast again.-…… Fall.- Shen Dayye only knew that he was constantly falling.Almost as if he had fallen into a bottomless pit, the twenty-five-year-old Shen Dayye only knew that there were planets surrounding him when he was weightless, and he didn't know where he was going, let alone where he was.Shen Dayye couldn't shout when she wanted to, tears flew out of her eyes, but from the gap between the planets that surrounded her fall, tears dimly saw the starry sky like rain.In the next second, a solid force pocketed her.Shen Dayye: The surroundings of "......" were pitch black, gentle and brilliant stars twinkled above her head and feet, and the space was quiet and empty, Shen Dayye stood among the stars, trembling and touching his arm, and pinching again, there was a dull, sluggish pain.…… Is this in a dream?
But the pain told her, 'It's not.'"
――Is this real?
Shen Dayye couldn't say it well.She was still wearing the long skirt she wore when she was in the video with Chen Xiaozhi, and she was even barefoot, without protective clothing, and if she remained in this state in outer space for four seconds, she could almost wait for death, and at most freeze to death in a minute - she was still dead.But it's not cold.The skin can feel a soft, warm, protective aura.Shen Dayye floated in the universe, scarred and teary-eyed looking up at the vast stars.Then she turned around with red eyes and saw another, younger version of herself in the back.Shen Dayye, who had just turned fifteen: "......"
Xiao Dayye, wearing a school uniform and holding a piece of paper in her hand, stood opposite her, and the two of them were floating, their eyes colliding into one place."......"
Twenty-five-year-old Shen Dayye looked at his young and vigorous self at that time, and tears filled his eyes again."
I didn't hurt you."
Shen Dayye said hoarsely with a crying voice: "......
You don't understand anything, you don't know what awaits you in front of you. ”In the starry sky, Xiao Yuye looked at her in a daze.Shen Dayye suddenly found that her stay when she was a child was the same as her now, which shows that she has not grown at all over the years."
I don't want you to be hurt," Shen Dayye trembled, and said to Xiao Dayye, "......
I don't want you to take the detour I've taken, and I've used all my strength to tell you what the path you shouldn't be taking is, but there's no way to tell you why.I've been bruised all over the way, and I don't even know myself anymore.I don't want you to be an adult like me. ”At the age of fifteen, she looked at her other self with sad eyes.Then she spoke softly and said in the same voice, "I don't want to." ”“…… Break up with Chen Xiaozhi," the twenty-five-year-old said almost pleadingly: "......
Give up, Ye Ye, you don't know what's on the road ahead.I've walked by, I know. ”Xiao Yuye shook his head again.At that moment, the twenty-five-year-old Shen Dayye felt the despair when she wrote the letter again, and she trembled: "You really don't plan to do what I say?
”The other man nodded."......" did not listen to persuasion at all.“…… I'll just say it once, I'll let you give up," Shen Dayye said tremblingly: "You didn't get any rankings in the finals, and you didn't achieve anything on your way later."
Chen Xiaozhi-" Shen Dayye took a deep breath, only to feel that his heart was about to break, looked at the young self in front of him, and said in a trembling voice: "--Chen Xiaozhi, he hurt you to the core, you were almost forced to break up with him in the end, and he didn't tell you anything." ”Fifteen-year-old Xiao Yuye raised his head, the tip of his nose was a little red, and he didn't speak, just looked straight at her.Shen Dayye, who had grown up, finally said, "......
He has always planned to go abroad, and he will be leaving next semester. ”Xiao Yuba: "......"
"The gold medal and national team quota you have always wanted," the twenty-five-year-old said ventingly, "After he got it, he didn't cherish it at all." ”"Chen Xiaozhi won the gold medal and refused the olive branch of the national team.""
You ask him why he doesn't say it -- only later did I learn from others that he was going abroad to study.""
You, that is, I-us."“…… was the last one to know. ”